The Church honors Sacramental Marriage this month by remembering and honoring saints Jochim and Anne, the parents of Mary, and saints Louis and Zelle Martin, parents of St. Therese of Lisieux. And, of course, always St. Joseph and Mary. Their marriages, marked by their unwavering faith and commitment to God’s Covenant, are inspiring examples of sacramental marriage and a source of motivation and encouragement for us all.
Let’s consider what a Sacramental Marriage is; to do this, we will turn to some of the liturgical phrases of the nuptial mass to consider a few words and strands of thought inherent in the biblical understanding of the Sacrament of Marriage laid out for us in the wedding liturgy.
COVENANT
When our priests pray that our union with God and each other will be “sealed”–set apart, sanctified–with God’s blessing, he refers to a covenant. It is assumed we have laid down our life to Him and that we are entering into marriage willing to lay down our lives for our spouse, as Jesus laid down his life for The Church in the New Covenant. It is assumed that we desire to set the trajectory of our marriage toward union with Our Lord. It is assumed there will be borders in our relationship that will hold fast our union with the Lord in the Covenant of Marriage.
It works this way: When we envision our marriage as sacramental and sacrificial, we strive toward that vision. Our union’s apex is the Lord Jesus, and we stand together in a holy trinity of marriage When we stand at the altar on our wedding day, the Lord’s Spirit grants us strength to fulfill the marital covenant and seals us to him, providing us with His virtue for a loving marriage. Isn’t it reassuring to know we don’t have to rely solely on our own strength to love our spouse and keep faith in our covenant? The third member of our holy trinity trumps all our weaknesses!
In the virtues, we receive the gift of wisdom, understanding, counsel, fortitude, knowledge, piety, and reverence for the Lord. Like any gift, the receiver has to open it to be enjoyed, and once we do that, the Lord enables us to exercise it and grow strong in our relationship. Here’s the lovely thing: As virtue puts down roots in our hearts and minds, virtue grows, and we bear the fruits of God’s Spirit in our relationship: love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.
Is the seal of our covenant being weakened or strengthened by my attitudes and actions?
What virtue do I need to practice to honor my covenant with God and my spouse better?
Are my attitudes and actions toward my spouse gentle, patient, good, and self-controlled?
ENDOWED
Our priests ask the Lord to bless our companionship. God desires to order our marriage to its proper place–union with Him—so He endows us with the grace to nurture companionship. We cooperate with Him by what St. Thomas Aquinas described as “willing the good of the other.”
One definition of grace that gets at that definition of love is “courteous goodwill” toward another. In the life cycle of holy marriage, God endows us with grace; we receive it as a gift, and we open the gift by practicing courteous goodwill toward our spouse in all things.
But here’s the sticky wicket for us: when we fixate on the wounds and resentments in the life cycle of marriage and allow the grievances to fill the space between us, the space tends to widen. Why? When wounds fester, they infect our relationship! All those little irritations and significant differences of opinion hardened into scar tissue between us to force our union apart. You know what I’m talking about!
When we come to our senses and remember that, we must strive toward union with the Lord first. We lift our eyes to him and ask for the GRACE He has endowed us with. He releases the power of His holy Spirit to help us forgive and repair the boundaries of our marriage.
What resentments have I harbored that are driving us farther apart?
How can I work towards restoring the relationship with my spouse?
The regular practice of the Sacrament of Healing through Confession is endowed with that grace of healing, not just for us but for all our relationships. The sacrament of healing is a gift the Lord has given us, and we can receive it as often as needed….. Sometimes, friends, we just need to camp outside the confessional!
KEEP
Our priests pray that our marriage will “be held and kept” in the marriage covenant. Here’s a helpful image: Another way to think of the word “keep” is in its noun form: the stronghold in a castle’s most fortified enclosure. It serves as a refuge against siege or attack from the enemy. We fortify our marriage as we hold and keep ourselves in union with the Lord, and our borders strengthen against the attacks of the enemy of our souls.
Where are the vulnerable areas in my area that weaken our marriage?
ABIDE
Our priests pray we will “abide in mutual love and peace.” Oh, I love this part! I kindle to the word, “abide!” What our priest is asking of the Lord is the state of harmony and understanding that is the hallmark of a Sacramental Marriage. In a culture that would rather “cut and run” than do the hard work of sacrifice, we are summoned to choose to remain faithful to the marital covenant.
Jesus told his disciples, “Abide in me as I abide in you.” (John 15:4) He, the founding partner in our marriage, has endowed us with the ability to remain faithful! He remains with us; we choose to remain with him within its fortified walls. He is present to us here; we choose to be present to Him and one another within this sacred union.
Am I allowing social media, career, friends, recreation, or hobbies to satisfy me instead of my companionship with my spouse?
Let me leave you with something I read recently that helps me as I love my husband: “True love goes beyond the cold exactitude of dry duty; true love gives with a smile, a flourish, and a delicacy that not only meets the beloved’s needs but also meets them in a lovely, pleasing way.” That’s what the Lord desires for us, friends; he has lavished his love on us, and He beckons us to lavish our love on our spouse.
Saints Jochim, Anne, Joseph, Mary, Louis, and Zelle pray for us.
The Maiden Warrior 