This month, we delve into the two remaining love languages some children respond to best. These two love languages–gifts and acts of service–build upon the foundation of the first three love languages: physical touch, words of affirmation, and quality time. Understanding and speaking these languages to our children requires thought, planning, and energy, and sometimes we just don’t feel up to the task, but take heart. Initially, it is challenging, but we can express our love more effectively once we grasp the principle of gifts and service. Let’s start by exploring the concept of a gift.
The word gift has its roots in the Greek word charis, which means grace or an undeserved gift. This connection to grace is significant, as it reminds us that a gift is not just a material expression but a way to extend love and grace to our children. We can do that through gift-giving and acts of service for our children.
Lest we worry we’ll turn into a Daddy Warbucks or a simpering servant at the beckon of a child, let’s remember that our parental and grandparental ultimate purpose is to nurture children to emerge as beloved children of God who live securely in their identity as well-formed individuals. To prevent our children from greed and laziness, we must remember that a payment gift for a job well done is not a love language; it’s a fair exchange for services rendered. An act of service for our children because they’re lazy is not a love language; it’s enablement.
A gift given as unmerited grace is a genuine expression of love that will serve our children well as they mature. An act of service given as unmerited grace for our children fills their “love tank” as they become independent. So, let’s consider how we, as parents/grandparents, may create lasting memories of our love for our children and magnify their sense of worth and God’s love for them:
Gift-Giving
–Write a note with affirmation about your child and send it by post. Most kids think it’s a big deal to get their own mail, and a gift-loving child will be extra pleased to receive the note.
–Write some personal coupons (you can find a template online) good for redemption on any of the following:
- Go to Adoration with Mom or Dad
- A small treat when we go grocery shopping together (a cookie from the bakery is always a hit)
- Play a game of your choice
- Read your favorite book
- Do your favorite activity
–Collect a small cache of gifts your child would appreciate–a shell, stickers, a bookmark, a pressed leaf, something that sparkles, etc. Save them for times you need to encourage your child’s sense of worth with a surprise. I’ve kept this for you since I went on a walk because it made me think of you and how much you enjoy…
–Often, gift-loving children are collectors, so you may want to help them create a keepsake box to store their found treasures. Give them the first found treasure to put in the box: something from your childhood, something from a grandparent, or a favorite photo of the child.
Acts of Service in the Home
–Sitting at a child’s bedside, placing your hand on them to gently awaken them in the morning may not seem like an act of service, but it can be! Children of all ages reckon this as kind attention (though your teenager might grumble about it; stay the course!) We can give words of affirmation by saying a prayer of entrustment to God for their day: Loving God, I entrust [ ] to your care today, bless [ ] in all they do today. Amen. You can do the same at bedtime, thanking God for what has happened in the day and entrusting the child’s concerns to him.
–Ask your child to list favorite things you do for them, and occasionally do the act of service when they least expect it! Speak words of affirmation by saying, I’m so happy I can serve you in this way today; you are special to me.
When your child is sick, stay with them and pray with them, asking God to help them feel better. You may want to choose a video to watch together or a book to read to them. Serving them in this way communicates that they are more important than your career.
There are many more ideas that space does not allow; again, we recommend Gary Chapman’s book on The 5 Love Languages. Next month, we will consider how our homes are where we learn true friendship and how we can teach our children to be true friends to others.
The Maiden Warrior 