Pray It Forward: The Power of Fervent Prayer for Your Family

Pray It Forward: The Virtue of Temperance

Temperance, otherwise known as moderation or self-restraint, is often relegated to the appetite, but it’s a necessary virtue for all our actions, thoughts, and feelings. One of the definitions of temperance is to know a calmness of mind, so this month, we will explore how to train our children to gain and maintain calmness of mind. St. Agustine defined virtue as “rightly ordered loves.” Aristotle said virtue is, in the mean, the middle between two extremes: excess and deficiency. Developing calmness of mind in our actions, thoughts, and feelings requires vigilance in reordering our loves; our children rely on us to model this before them.

The intemperate child struggles to restrain their passions; if you have passionate children who struggle to restrain their tongue, control their emotions, overcommit, and go to extremes in their pursuits and expectations of themselves and others, they need to be strengthened to moderate their motives and calm their minds. They tend to be high achievers who find it impossible to let themselves off the proverbial hook of their expectations. Passion is a beautiful strength, but as in all strengths, there’s an underbelly–a disordered passion that gives rise to disordered thinking and behavior. Consider the Holy Spirit’s counsel to us in the letter of St. James (4:1): “Where do the wars and where do the conflicts among you come? Is it not from your passions that make war within your members?” Unbridled passion becomes vice when it conflicts with others, eroding goodwill. That’s easy enough to recognize in our children’s conflicts with us and their siblings, but let’s take it further. James refers to the war among your members because he wrote to fellow believers. However, look at it this way: we as individuals have interior “members’ that war with each other: mind, body, and spirit. St. Paul put that war in this way: “…take heed to yourselves, lest at any time your hearts be overcharged [with untamed] behavior.” (KJV I Cor. 10:12) Let the taming begin!

Inordinate love of the flesh is cruelty because, under the appearance of pleasing the body, we kill the soul. ~St. Bernard of Clairvaux

Tame the Actions

Self-discipline is especially difficult for intemperate children because their passion drives them; this may manifest in impetuous behavior. “Take a beat” may be an excellent cue to use with your impetuous child. Learning to slow down their reaction time by teaching them to wait to speak or do whatever has gotten into their head is good practice for them. You can train them to moderate in that beat by asking provocative questions while reinforcing their passion and teaching them to be circumspect. I know how exciting it seems to you to do … let’s think about it for a few hours/days and talk to the Lord about your heart’s desire. What do you hope to learn from your desire? Are you ready to commit to the responsibilities the desire requires? Do you want to spend your money on this desire, or do you want to keep saving it…? Do you want to eat it all now, or do you want to save some to enjoy later?

Tame the Thoughts

Learning to recognize negative thought patterns and restrain extreme emotional responses is a lifelong challenge for all of us. The thought pattern most likely manifested in our childhood, but we may not trained to recognize our emotions were out of control. Children susceptible to fear or anger are susceptible to irrationality. We can help them moderate the irrationality by teaching them to face the fear or anger and learn to cope with it. Through consistent reflective exposure to their fear or anger, we will help them self-moderate. You may want to relate your own stories of struggle and how the Lord helped you through it. There is nowhere you can go or nothing that can happen to you that our Lord doesn’t know about before you do. Isn’t that comforting? Let’s talk about this fear/anger. What made you afraid/angry? What do you think will happen because of this fear/anger? What do you need from Jesus most to help you with this circumstance?

Tame the Feelings

A highly sensitive child is more sensitive to outside influences and is easily overcome by intense emotions and overwhelming responses to those emotions. We can recognize this in their inability to control their emotions, which drives them to overreact–physical or verbal reactions with others or within themselves. They need firm boundaries that are secure as they experience their feelings. Rather than blaming their sensitivity for their physical and verbal reactions or sending them into isolation when their emotions flare, we must help them face what they have done to others or themselves during their response. I understand you are frustrated; let’s talk about how you feel. Why do you feel this way? How do you think so-and-so feels when you act like that toward them? This is an excellent time to remind our children what the gifts of the Holy Spirit and the fruits of virtue are by comparing their chosen behavior with the attributes that will strengthen them. The Lord has given you a passionate spirit, and we desire that you learn to discern if your strong desire has tempted you to forget how so-and-so may feel when you don’t control your [anger, frustration, sadness, impatience] towards them.

Prayer for Temperance

Temper my desires, O Lord,

and turn my focus towards you.

Deliver me from the tendency to go to extremes

that strain both body and soul.

Help me to be content with what I have

instead of constantly seeking more.

May I come to recognize the grace of moderation

that brings both contentment and

appreciation.

Let temperance grow in me

and lead me to discover other virtues

that bring deeper union with you.

In your sacred name, I pray.

~Amen

Pray It Forward: The Virtue of Justice

That’s not fair! It isn’t just the exclamation of a child who lost a game anymore; it’s the catchphrase of a self-absorbed society constantly looking for Justice for causes they’ve adopted as their identity. In this article, we will empower ourselves as parents and grandparents by clarifying the virtue of Justice and how we can help our children learn to be just in their relationships inside and outside the home.

Let’s begin by defining the virtue of Justice as St. Thomas Aquinas did: [moral] Justice is a habit that makes us “capable of doing what is just, and of being just in action and in intention.” The Catechism of the Catholic Church expands on the definition of a just person as the constant and firm will to give their due to God and neighbor and establish harmony in human relationships that promote equity with others. CCC1807

How good and pleasant it is when we dwell together in unity! ~Psalm 133:1

One of our highest goals for our home environment is harmony, another word for unity because we learn to come together in mutual respect. Building a harmonious home goes beyond a fundamental desire to hear no quarreling or devouring of one another (Galatians 5:15); it is habituating our family in equity to each other and for the common good of the family. Where do we start?

And Justice For All

Love and truth will meet; Justice and peace will kiss. ~Psalm85:11

The entire narrative of the Story of Salvation is where love and truth meet, and justice and peace kiss. We can utilize appropriate Bible storybooks and Bibles as guides for teaching the attributes God desires for us by using the “Where in the World is Waldo?” theme, looking for examples of God’s Justice and man’s injustice in every story. The parables of Christ are particularly helpful since they are short and simple but packed with a moral lesson. Jesus told more than 50 parables to teach us how to live in the Kingdom of God here on earth; at least 11 parables were about Justice according to God’s way of doing things.

The term “ethics” is from a Greek word that means “habits,” among other things. What we want to model for our children is a familial relationship where we delight in each other, are dear to one another and promote each other’s welfare by serving one another–this is the foundation of Justice. When we make just treatment of each other a habit in our homes, our children learn to be just to others. When we establish a pattern of a virtuous life in our homes, our children live that pattern with those around them. Wouldn’t that be refreshing to our culture?

You have been told, O mortal, what is good,

and what the Lord requires of you:

Only to do Justice and to love goodness,

and to walk humbly with your God.

~Micah 6:8

When we, as a family, approach reality from the vantage of goodness, defined as mercy, we fortify the virtue of Justice in our lives. Let’s do this! Below are some ideas for you:

Teach your children to be grateful. Learning to say “thank you” trains our children in gratitude. How does that teach the virtue of Justice? They are learning to be fair to others by recognizing what others do for them. A thankful heart recognizes that everything is a gift.

Teach your children to be respectful. Consider that they are regularly exposed to unjust behavior like bullying, interrupting people, laughing at others, or harming others. Teach them to see Jesus in others through your example–refuse to allow gossip, complaining, and backbiting in your own life, and it will rub off on your children’s lives.

Model prayer as a conversation with God where we thank him for all the good graces he favors us. We learn to tell him about our frustrations about the “unfair” things in our lives but ask him to help us treat others how we would want to be treated. Make a habit of praying on a daily examen with your children; they learn to have conversations with Jesus as they review their day, and confessing to the Lord their unjust actions toward others helps build their spiritual muscle.*

Prayer for Justice

Lord, I want to be a just person. You told us to love you above all else and love our neighbor. Help me practice the virtue of Justice by being patient with others and grateful for their lives. Please grant me the ability to treat everyone justly and love them by being generous, respectful, honest, and kind.

~Amen.

*https://www.dsj.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/STF-Daily-Examen-for-Families.pdf

Pray It Forward: How to Speak Our Child’s Love Language of Gifts and Acts of Service

This month, we delve into the two remaining love languages some children respond to best. These two love languages–gifts and acts of service–build upon the foundation of the first three love languages: physical touch, words of affirmation, and quality time. Understanding and speaking these languages to our children requires thought, planning, and energy, and sometimes we just don’t feel up to the task, but take heart. Initially, it is challenging, but we can express our love more effectively once we grasp the principle of gifts and service. Let’s start by exploring the concept of a gift.

The word gift has its roots in the Greek word charis, which means grace or an undeserved gift. This connection to grace is significant, as it reminds us that a gift is not just a material expression but a way to extend love and grace to our children. We can do that through gift-giving and acts of service for our children.

Lest we worry we’ll turn into a Daddy Warbucks or a simpering servant at the beckon of a child, let’s remember that our parental and grandparental ultimate purpose is to nurture children to emerge as beloved children of God who live securely in their identity as well-formed individuals. To prevent our children from greed and laziness, we must remember that a payment gift for a job well done is not a love language; it’s a fair exchange for services rendered. An act of service for our children because they’re lazy is not a love language; it’s enablement.

A gift given as unmerited grace is a genuine expression of love that will serve our children well as they mature. An act of service given as unmerited grace for our children fills their “love tank” as they become independent. So, let’s consider how we, as parents/grandparents, may create lasting memories of our love for our children and magnify their sense of worth and God’s love for them:

Gift-Giving

–Write a note with affirmation about your child and send it by post. Most kids think it’s a big deal to get their own mail, and a gift-loving child will be extra pleased to receive the note.

–Write some personal coupons (you can find a template online) good for redemption on any of the following:

Go to Adoration with Mom or Dad
A small treat when we go grocery shopping together (a cookie from the bakery is always a hit)
Play a game of your choice
Read your favorite book
Do your favorite activity

–Collect a small cache of gifts your child would appreciate–a shell, stickers, a bookmark, a pressed leaf, something that sparkles, etc. Save them for times you need to encourage your child’s sense of worth with a surprise. I’ve kept this for you since I went on a walk because it made me think of you and how much you enjoy…

–Often, gift-loving children are collectors, so you may want to help them create a keepsake box to store their found treasures. Give them the first found treasure to put in the box: something from your childhood, something from a grandparent, or a favorite photo of the child.

Acts of Service in the Home

–Sitting at a child’s bedside, placing your hand on them to gently awaken them in the morning may not seem like an act of service, but it can be! Children of all ages reckon this as kind attention (though your teenager might grumble about it; stay the course!) We can give words of affirmation by saying a prayer of entrustment to God for their day: Loving God, I entrust [ ] to your care today, bless [ ] in all they do today. Amen. You can do the same at bedtime, thanking God for what has happened in the day and entrusting the child’s concerns to him.

–Ask your child to list favorite things you do for them, and occasionally do the act of service when they least expect it! Speak words of affirmation by saying, I’m so happy I can serve you in this way today; you are special to me.

When your child is sick, stay with them and pray with them, asking God to help them feel better. You may want to choose a video to watch together or a book to read to them. Serving them in this way communicates that they are more important than your career.

There are many more ideas that space does not allow; again, we recommend Gary Chapman’s book on The 5 Love Languages. Next month, we will consider how our homes are where we learn true friendship and how we can teach our children to be true friends to others.

Pray It Forward: Redeeming Our Time with Our Family

We’ve been examining how we receive love from others through five love languages and how we can reflect God’s love for our children in the way we love them with their love language. Let’s consider quality time and how to speak love to our children and grandchildren this month. When we think of God’s love for us, he is always present, listening and responding. We become an extension of his love as we do the same for our children. Isn’t that a beautiful truth? And when we connect our time and conversation to Him, our children learn to understand him as a benevolent and faithful God.

Quality time is the one love language that every human responds to; it crosses the language barrier, so to speak. We crave undivided attention from those we cherish, but we live in a culture that suffers from attention deficit! Protecting the environment of our home life requires much more discipline than just a few decades ago; focused parental attention is essential. Time is the commodity we all have to learn to use well because there are no do-overs with it. The Holy Spirit will come alongside us and train us to be emotionally and spiritually present to our children; all we need to do is ask.

Gary Chapman writes, “The most important factor in quality time is not the event itself but that you are doing something together, being together.” How can we improve our family’s daily cadence and optimize time as love for our children? Purposefully doing life together can redeem what might be wasted time. Running errands together without the interruption of technology is a great place to start. Consider beginning your errands by inviting God to accompany you with the traveler’s prayer from Psalm 121 when you leave.

Lord, preserve our going out and coming in from this time forth and forever. Preserve our life and get us to our destination and back home safely. ~Amen (Psalm 121:8)

Keep a jar of conversation starters on slips of paper, and allow your child to choose the question to get the car conversation going as you leave the driveway. One question can lead each of you on a path of discovery about the Lord and each other. The internet is your friend for ideas for incorporating the Lord in conversations. Search “Spiritual Questions to Get Your Kids Thinking about God.” Your undivided attention and questions about God are a double-hitter for nurturing holy children.

We can quickly become victims of the urgent rather than protectors of what is essential. Whatever appears urgent to us (a text, a news thread, an online conversation) is not crucial in light of eternity. Make a family policy that all cell phones, technology, and current reading material are silenced and put away in a bin for a determined length of family-only time each day.

Plan your weeks together by first writing down the most important activities–Mass, CCD, and Family-Only time. When your children observe what is important to you, it communicates that life’s priorities are the Lord and the family.

Doing nothing special together is quality time! Walks together after the school day, hanging out in the same room, sorting laundry together, eating together, and cleaning up the kitchen are all opportunities for uninterrupted intentional conversation. As you work together, asking each other what the day’s highlights and lowlights were gives insight into your children’s emotions. A natural segue would be to express our feelings to the Lord. Jesus, thank you for [the highlight]; it made me happy. Or, I had a lousy day, Jesus. Would you help me feel better? Our children will learn intimacy with God when we include him in our quality time.

If your family takes photos of family life, consider assembling a yearly photobook (Shutterfly and Snapfish are easy to do). Have a specific time each month when you look at the photos together, sharing memories of that photo as you work together on that month’s layout.

Working on homework at the same table each evening provides an atmosphere of cooperation as older children might join you in helping younger children. A simple prayer before study heightens the effect of your quality time around the table. Lord, give us peace of mind as we complete our homework. Give us insight so that we might understand what we are studying and helps us remember it. ~Amen (Adapted Salesian Prayer)

Take pilgrimages together, pray novenas together, pray the Rosary together. When we choose quality time with the Lord, he will abundantly bless our lives for generations to come.

Prayer:

Lord Jesus, You have given us so much—life, friends, and family. Help us share Your love with our family through the gift of quality time together. May our children catch a glimpse of Your goodness and grace through us as we parent them. Teach us as a family to reflect You more in our presence to others and our words and deeds. St. Joseph and Mary, pray for us.

~Amen.

Pray It Forward: Revealing our Love for our Children and Grandchildren with the Love Language of Words of Affirmation

In the last Pray It Forward series, we began considering the five love languages: physical touch, words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, and acts of love. We explored communicating the Lord’s love using the Shema (Deuteronomy 6) template: repeat, recite, bind, and write. Today, we explore the love language of words of affirmation.

The best way to speak words of affirmation and love, especially to younger children, is to unite our words with affectionate feelings and physical closeness. When we connect our words of encouragement with warmth and affection, we train them to know our love and God’s love for them.

There is a precious conversation in the book “The Help” by Kathyrn Stockett where Abileen, the maid, holds Mae Mobley, the 3-year-old daughter of her employers. She is face to face with Mae Mobley; as she rocks her, she repeats to the child, “You is kind, you is smart, you is important.” And Mae Mobley recites them back to her. Mae Mobley, ignored by her parents, only had Abileen to nurture her. She loved Mae Mobley and knew she needed verbal affirmation to counter her mother’s intolerance of her. Encourage means to instill courage; Abileen instilled courage into Mae Mobley; those words of affection and endearment communicated to Mae Mobley: I care about you. They nurtured her inner sense of worth and security, which she would never forget.

Gary Chapman writes that “affection and love mean expressing appreciation for a child’s very being, for those characteristics and abilities that are part of the person’s total package.” This is different from praising a child for what they do, such as achievements and conscious attitudes. When we recognize their character, we affirm who they are and how God created them uniquely. We instill courage and envision a unique future for them when we bless them with our words. How can we do that?

The Holy Spirit, our Counselor, comes through with good counsel as we meditate on the Word of God. The Books of Wisdom are timeless with counsel. The Spirit also uses others’ knowledge and insight to guide us; Gary Chapman is a reliable voice to listen to.
Affirmation

When you observe a characteristic you want to affirm in your child, say, “God created us in his own image; you are God’s masterpiece!” (Gn 1:27; Eph 2:10). I can see the image of Jesus in you when you … Or I feel like I’m looking at Jesus when you act … do … (mention their acts of mercy, service, and sacrifice).

Highlight your child’s natural inclinations: I appreciated how you showed kindness to … or I liked your positive attitude during … Your choice reminded me of something God tells us to do: Say what helps build others so that you make them feel better about themselves (Eph 4:29).

Leaning toward your child when you listen to them communicates interest. Holding them as you plan your day communicates camaraderie. Keeping your eyes fixed on them (instead of media) while you talk with each other communicates, you are more important to me than anything else; I enjoy you, I like listening to you, I love you!

Affirm your child’s being when you are running errands or doing chores together: You are so refreshing to be around; it makes me smile, and I bet God smiles, too, as we hang out with him! (Prv 11:25).

Regular conversations with our older children about the future can help to assuage any fearful or doubtful mindset they have about themselves. Dream with them and verbally affirm what they enjoy doing. Encourage them in ways that allow them to pursue their dreams. You can text them regularly or leave a note, where they will see it, about their dreams. A possible script: “I enjoy observing what you are becoming because I know the Lord has plans to make you happy and others happy.” You may want to jot down a personalized scripture for them: “For I know the plans I have for [name],” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (Jer 29:11).

*Recommended reading: “The 5 Love Languages of Children” and/or “The 5 Love Languages of Teens” by Gary Chapman

Pray It Forward: How to Love Our Children Like God Loves Them

We all receive love in one or more ways: physical touch, words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, and acts of service impact each of us in varying degrees. The five love languages don’t limit how the Lord demonstrates his love to us, but he has created us to receive his love unique to each of us. No doubt, you can remember moments of consolation where he spoke love to you profoundly; more than likely, you received that love in your language. What would happen in our families if we united our passion for each other with God’s love for us in our conversations by speaking each other’s language? This month, let’s consider the first of the five languages to discover how we can help our children develop emotionally and spiritually.

Everyone needs physical contact, but love shouts through touch when our primary love language is physical touch. Some children just light up when they receive physical touch. Two of our grandchildren always sit extra close rather than far away; they are quick to cuddle and stroke their parents. Now, how can we draw them into feeling God’s love? With this in mind, let’s consider how to teach our children how God loves them uniquely. Consider reading or telling this beautiful account of Jesus and the children while you rock them or sit close to them. Perhaps a good time would be at bedtime when you can rub their back or stroke their arms as they lie listening to you.

People were bringing little children to him so that he might touch them, and the disciples spoke sternly to them. But when Jesus saw this, he was indignant and said to them, “” Let the little children come to me; do not stop them; for it is to such as these that the kingdom of God belongs. Honestly, I tell you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will never enter it.””And he took them up in his arms, laid his hands on them, and blessed them.

(Mark 10:13-16)

Some questions to ask her:

What part of that story did you like best?

If you were Jesus, how do you think you’d feel when you got to hug the children?

If you were one of the children, what would you like best: Jesus holding you, Jesus placing his hands on your head, or hearing Jesus say nice things about you?

A Prayer:

Jesus, thank you for always holding us safe in your arms even though we can’t see you. ~Amen

You may even encourage your physical lovers to kiss the crucifixes and Bibles in your home as a way for them to love God in their language. You could purchase a cross-shaped pillow for them to hug as they sleep at night (Etsy is a great resource) to remind them of Jesus’ love for them.

The teen years can be tumultuous because our children are at loose ends about who they are and their place in the world. These are prime years for them to learn of God’s unfailing love for them, and we are the ones to model that love (even when we like to send them back to the cabbage patch!) One of our teenage grandchildren who “speaks” physical touch visibly softens when she is touched. Her parents are diligently training her strong will in these hormone-driven years. How can we draw her into feeling God for her when we are in a conflict? Tenderly speaking words of understanding coupled with an embrace (even though her attitude may bristle) or a touch on the shoulder may reach her better than any lecture.

Consider this passage from St. Matthew 23: 37 Jesus said, “”Jerusalem, Jerusalem, the city that kills the prophets and stones those who are sent to it! How often have I desired to gather your children together as a hen gathers her brood under her wings, and you were not willing!

Some thoughts to share with her as you stroke her arm or rub her back:

I know you are angry, and I understand how frustrated you may feel about [ ]. You aren’t the first person to feel that way; Jesus was angry and saddened by people’s behaviors and choices, he once told them he desired to gather them into his arms like a hen gathered chicks under her wing, but they were unwilling to let him. I believe Jesus wants to gather you into his arms and hold you close as you tell him what you are angry about. Would you be willing to let me hold you like Jesus wants to hold you?

A prayer:

Jesus, I love [ ] so very much, but I know you love her even more than I do. Please help us calmly share our feelings about what is happening. Would you draw us into your arms and shelter us from hurting each other with our words?

The Lord instructed us to train up our children in the way they are destined to go. When they are old, they will not depart from it (adapted Proverbs 22:6). When we love our children the way they are created to receive love, we ensure they will receive the Lord’s love more readily as they mature in their faith.

Pray It Forward: Altars of Remembrance

We continue to build the proverbial family altar using the Sacred Scriptures as our blueprint. What God commanded Joshua to do with his people, he still commands us to do with our people—build altars of remembrance. These altars are “to be a sign among you. When your children ask you, ‘What do those stones mean to you?’ We will be able to recount the reasons for our faith in the One True LORD God Almighty.

We, in effect, build altars of remembrance in our homes each time we come together to celebrate birthdays and anniversaries, graduations and weddings, even funerals. We tell our children the events of their birth; we share the story of how we met our husbands and wives; we hang memory boards at graduation open houses and funerals to celebrate a life in photos and memorabilia. What would happen in our homes if we honored our faith journey as much as our family journey? Do our children and grandchildren know the story of our faith in God? Do WE know our story of faith in God?

In the last post (The Family Altar), we discussed the instruction from the Shema (“to listen or hear”) to “Keep these words that I am commanding you today in your heart” (Deuteronomy 6:6). Today, we will consider the next instruction from the Shema where God directs his people to “Recite them to your children and talk about them…” (v.7).

When we know why we choose to practice our Catholic Faith, it is much easier to confidently practice our faith in what we do and how we live. When we recite the Nicene Creed like practicing Jews recite the Shema, it sets the trajectory of our lives, and it can set the trajectory of our children’s lives when we live what we believe. The bottom line for us as parents and grandparents is to guide our children in establishing a Catholic worldview in our quotidian existence. Where do we begin? St. Peter wrote to the early Christians,

“…In your hearts, sanctify Christ as Lord. Always be ready to give a reason why you (believe in God) to anyone who demands from you an accounting for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and reverence.”

I Peter 3:15

Giving an account of something is at the heart of storytelling; its effect is proven in history. It is how The Faith was passed down to us, beginning with the story of the Jewish nation recorded in the Old Testament. When we share our stories of faith in God with our children (or anyone for that matter), we effectively give an account of the hope that is in us. Have you ever spent time meditating on the events of your life in the rubric of God’s providence? That’s an excellent place to start telling your faith story to the next generation. Consider these seed thoughts and questions you can ask yourself as you prepare to make a practice of reciting our Catholic Faith to our children.

What’s your earliest memory of feeling God’s presence? That is where your faith journey began. Children are always intrigued by our childhood stories; we can capitalize on that as we learn to recite our faith.

When was a time you felt a strong sense of God’s presence? No doubt there’s an interesting story that accompanies that memory, too. Is there a tender or dramatic moment you can share with your children where you felt the presence of the Lord?

When you look back at your life, where can you identify a blessing in disguise? Understanding where God came through for you unexpectedly can help you articulate the memory to your children. Share the circumstances of a time when money was short for a need, and how God provided it. Share the circumstance of a time when you were lonely, afraid, or angry and how God helped you overcome it.

What are some of the blessings of God’s natural world most meaningful to your life? Recall times in your childhood when you experienced those blessings. Share them with your children and grandchildren! In the present, there are so many moments we can seize when we are in nature with our children to point them toward our Creator God. When you hear a bird call, wonder aloud with them why God designed that bird to sing that song. Thank the Lord out loud for the weather, even when it’s not agreeable to you. Again, we are pointing our children to God by displaying an attitude of praise and thanksgiving for things present, past, and future. We can instill faith and hope in God in our children every tiny moment of the day!

Fostering a holy environment where our faith in God is active, remembered, treasured, celebrated, and passed on to generations to come is a privilege and honor. Let’s pick up our tools and get to work!

Pray It Forward: Keep the Faith

We continue our theme of the family altar by considering our “why” for prioritizing a holy atmosphere in our homes. Moses instructed God’s people to observe the statutes and ordinances of God diligently so that their children and children’s children may revere the Lord. He ended by saying,

… Observe them diligently so that it may go well with you.
Deuteronomy 6:3

Our children are growing up in a world of competing worldviews manufactured to lead us to anywhere but God. The balance of living in the world and not of it seems more challenging to maintain than ever before. Where do our children learn a Christian worldview if not in our home? All of us, at one time or another, search for the answers to the five big questions of existence. Where did I come from? Who am I? Why am I here? How should I live? Where am I going? God’s intention for our families is for them to learn that in the home environment. How are we doing at that? Yes, the rubric for answering those questions is contained in The Sacred Scripture and the worship of the Mass, but does it really answer life’s questions? A resounding yes!

Our children can learn to know their origin, identity, and purpose as we create an environment where the answers to the questions of morality and destiny are woven moment by moment into the very fiber of our children’s understanding. So, let’s revisit the first lines of the Shema to observe how we can do this.

The Lord is our God, the Lord alone. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your might. Then he instructs the people, “Keep these words that I am commanding you today in your heart…”
Deuteronomy 6:4-6

As discussed in a previous blog (The Family Altar), these words are our magna carta for creating our home atmosphere around the Truth, Goodness, and Beauty of The Faith. We must be intentional and remain at our post as parents and grandparents so that it will go well for our family. Notice that Moses then instructed, “Keep these words…” What does that mean, and how do we do it? To keep is to “cause to continue in a specified condition, position, or course.” Webster expands the meaning by referring to this phrase, “The guidance system keeps the machine on course.” When we “Keep The Faith,” we guide our family on the course of God’s desire for us and our future generations. How do we do that?

Recite them to your children and talk about them when you are at home, when you are away, when you lie down, and when you rise.
Deuteronomy 6:7

There are so many things to keep track of in our busy family lives, right? Perhaps a minor assessment of the busyness of your family life is in order. What can you eliminate? Where can you carve out 15 minutes to unite each day as a holy family? There is always a way, but not always a will. Ask the Lord for his will to be your will for your family. Yes, it is inevitable to experience some resistance, but you are the parent! Stay the course.

One last thought about the word: keep. As a noun, Keep refers to a castle’s most vital or central tower, acting as a final refuge. Establishing a family altar in our home serves as a Keep for our children. When we build our Catholic Faith as THE most substantial influence in our family life, our children will know where to return to when they encounter their existential crisis, which is inevitable for all of us.

The beauty of honoring the Lord as a family is that we learn together as we discuss the faith. I recommend a few age-appropriate Bible storybooks to you. The following recommendations are ecumenical in that they contain nothing untoward to our Catholic Faith.

The Jesus Storybook Bible: Every Story Whispers His Name is appropriate for 2-6-year-olds.

The Action Bible: God’s Redemptive Story is appropriate for school-aged children and adolescents.

I highly recommend The Power of the Praying Parent and The Power of the Praying Grandparent by Stormie Omartian. Prayer is the foundation for our success as holy parents and grandparents.

Holy Father, We are grateful that we are not alone. You are our Teacher, always whispering to us, “This is the way; walk in it.” Help us to listen. Your Word promises that we honor you in praise and worship, our future generations will declare you as Lord. We are banking on that, Lord. Lead us on!
–Amen

Pray It Forward: The Family Altar

“Teach [your] children of the [loving ways] of God; [so] that the next generation might know them, the children yet unborn, and rise up and tell them to their children, so that they should set their hope in God, and not forget the works of God, but keep his commandments”

~Psalm 78

The Sacred Scriptures emphasize the honor and responsibility we have to our family and future generations to teach the ways of God. Let’s consider an object lesson; as it were, God used to open the eyes of his people to their sacred responsibility to sanctify their families.

The first books of the Bible and the book of Joshua relay the lengths God went to to establish his covenant with his creation. He chose the family of Abraham and his future generations to fulfill his desire that all creation would know of his desire to bless them. He led his people into the long-awaited Promised Land through the river Jordan under the leadership of Joshua. God instructed Joshua to tell his people, “Sanctify yourselves; for tomorrow, the Lord will do wonders among you” (Jos 3:5). And he did!

Later, when they crossed the Jordan, God instructed his people to build an altar with 12 stones from the river so that “these are to be a sign among you. When your children ask you, ‘What do those stones mean to you?’ you shall answer them, ‘The waters of the Jordan ceased to flow before the ark of the covenant of the Lord when it crossed the Jordan. Thus these stones are to serve as a perpetual memorial to the Israelites” (Jos 4:6-7).

This wasn’t the only time God instructed his people to build an altar as a remembrance (a visual reminder of God’s faithfulness), but it is one that will encourage us in our desire to live our faith effectively so that we become the holy families God desires to bless.

Altars would eventually serve other purposes: a place where parents would prophesy over their children by reminding them that they were created for a purpose—to serve the Lord God with all their mind, all their strength, and all their hearts. An altar became a sacred place where parents would release children into their prophetic destinies and where they would receive their father’s blessing. It would also become a destination to offer sacrifices of thanksgiving to the Lord on behalf of their family.

Over time, the geographical altars of remembrance became family altars in the culture of Judeo-Christian home life. It was a designated place in the home. The purpose was the same: a family remembered God’s faithfulness to their ancestors in the faith (Bible stories), and they conversed with God together, showing their love and thanksgiving for him (prayer). The benefit to future generations, of course, depended on how committed the parents were to passing on the faith to their children.

I grew up with a family altar that shifted throughout the day: from the kitchen, where we knelt at our chairs after breakfast as my father would pray for each of us before we went our separate ways, to the living room after dinner, where we listened to our father read the Sacred Scriptures, and we each learned to pray together; then to our bedsides as our mother prayed with us and tucked us into bed. Once I left home and married my husband, we built a family altar. Why? Because my parents were faithful to God by being faithful to us around the family altar, I knew the stability it provided for my development as a Christian, not to mention my self-image!

It isn’t always easy; a toddler crying at your feet or a teenager slamming their bedroom door in your face is distracting. Perseverance is required if we desire to instill in our children the stability of knowing who they are and why God created them the way he did. We must teach them, through example and habit, the beauty, goodness, and truth of The Faith.

Our desires for our family require consistent attention to God’s Word and perseverance in prayer, but where do we begin, and how do we fit it in? I would like to come alongside you to offer encouragement and practical advice for finding suitable “stones” for your family altar. We will consider other altars in the Sacred Scripture and how they can inspire us as we worship at our family altars.

Regardless of the composition of your family (mom and dad, single parent, blended family), You will discover ways to build a family altar and navigate family life under the priority of family worship. You will discover the beauty of verbally blessing your family and fostering an atmosphere of peace. We will offer practical approaches for discussing the faith with your children. And most importantly, you’ll learn how to become prayer warriors for your children and future generations.

Pray it Forward: Tradition!

“Without our traditions, our lives would be as shaky as a Fiddler on the Roof.”

The Broadway musical The Fiddler on the Roof is about a Russian village that strives to protect the traditions of Judaism to keep their religious culture alive and thriving as the pre-Holocaust world threatens to destroy them. The story’s protagonist is Tevya, who has a running dialogue with God throughout the musical. His desire to keep the tradition alive drives him to his knees about how he raises his family–he’s a lovable character because his struggle is standard in every age. At one point in the musical, his wife and he dialogue about their struggles in keeping the traditions of their faith front and foremost for their family amidst the inevitable changes they face in the culture. One of the most tender songs between the husband and wife relays what I believe you, and I feel as parents and grandparents.

Sunrise, sunset. Sunrise, sunset,
Swiftly fly the years.
One season following another,
Laden with happiness and tears.

What words of wisdom can I give them?
How can I help to ease their way?

We must ask ourselves the same questions if we hope to vibrantly live the Sacred Tradition of our Catholic Faith in our domestic church today and in future generations. How can we do that? I suggest that the daily, weekly, monthly, and yearly small “t” traditions we practice within the culture of our family support the capital “T” traditions of The Faith. We must be attentive to what habits and dispositions we form daily to protect our family and future generations from forgetting what they believe and why they believe it. The orthodox Jewish home stands on three pillars we most likely recognize: the Torah (The Law of God), Service to God, and Acts of human kindness. We are Judeo-Christians in that we are the extension and fulfillment of the history of salvation recorded in the Old Testament and fulfilled in the New Testament. And through Jesus Christ’s sacrifice for us once and for all, we are united to God for his Good Purpose. God’s Word is living and active, guiding us today as it did as it was recorded.

The Shema (Deuteronomy 6) alluded to in the musical is a declaration to adhere to as we raise a faithful Christian family. To do otherwise is to risk forgetting the purpose of our vocation as parents and grandparents. When we forget or are apathetic toward what we are about and why we observe our Faith traditions, we are in danger of our children and future generations walking away from The Faith. It is not enough to say, “That’s just what we do,” as Catholic Christians, our faith in God is to be lived purposefully, supported by faith and reason and action. Lack of attention leads to a lack of understanding, giving way to a lack of appreciation. All this culminates in a dismissal of the ancient traditions that sustain and frame the domestic church.

Beyond ensuring our children attend CCD and Sunday Mass each week, where do we form our Christian identity? In the domestic church! We take care to keep The Faith vibrant and life-giving 168 hours a week in our family’s life. The active attention to the integrity of The Faith is reflected in our thoughts, words, actions, and the choices we make for our family, and that forms the domestic church traditions that will guard our families against relegating our faith in God to just another option in a world of shinier but inferior options.

We can’t read the words of The Shema without noting how pivotal the actions are in fulfilling the ordinance. God directs Moses to remind the people: The Lord is our God, the Lord alone. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your might. Then he instructs the people, “Keep these words that I am commanding you today in your heart. Recite them to your children and talk about them when you are at home, when you are away when you lie down, and when you rise. Bind them as a sign on your hand, fix them as an emblem on your forehead, and write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates .…You must diligently keep the commandments of the Lord your God, his decrees, and his statutes that he has commanded you. Do what is right and good in the sight of the Lord, so that it may go well with you, and so that you may go in and occupy the good land that the Lord swore to your ancestors to give you, thrusting out all your enemies from before you, as the Lord has promised. (Deuteronomy 6:4-19)

Friends, we live in a culture that is anti-Christ, which is the enemy at war against us. It is the enemy we must thrust out before us one deliberate action at a time. In the words of Tevya, “Without our traditions, our lives would be as shaky as a Fiddler on the Roof.”

Resource recommendations:
The Catholic All Year Compendium: Liturgical Living For Real Life by Kendra Tierney
The Catholic Home: Celebrations and Traditions for Holidays, Feast Days, and Every Day by Meredith Gould
Theology of Home: Finding the Eternal in the Everyday by Carrie Gress, PhD