Young people have enough energy to climb tall mountains of faith, hope, and love. If all we offer them are little molehills, they’ll simply go elsewhere for their challenges!
~Paul Lauer
We now examine the last of the Eight Beatitudes, which refers to the blessing of standing firm in the face of opposition to the faith. But before we can address the inevitability of adversity, even persecution, in living a godly and virtuous life, we need to consider ways to nurture a steady and unwavering faith in our children that grows with them, enabling them to tackle life’s twists and turns with unshakable resolve. As journalist Paul Lauer puts it, young people are up to climbing tall mountains as long as they have a purpose larger than existing on a molehill of mediocrity. Our role is to teach them to be secure in who they are, their beliefs, and the world around them, so they know how to climb the right mountains.
It is normal to assume that our children will embrace our religious identity as their own; that is our prayer, right? Still, existential questions that demand answers will inevitably fill their minds when they reach adolescence and adulthood. It is natural for them to question why they are doing what the family has determined they should do. Why do we go to Mass? Why are we Christian? Why do we honor the Lord’s Day? Why don’t we take the Lord’s name in vain? Why is sexual purity essential? Etc. We can guide children in righteousness, but if they have not formed a strong faith identity, they may not be convinced that standing firm for their Christian beliefs in the face of opposition is the right choice.
Integrating human development with spiritual development is hard work! The classic error we make as parents is overlooking our children’s doubts about their emotional or spiritual identity. They will undoubtedly try to find answers elsewhere if we shut down their existential questioning. Answers like, “That’s just what we do” and “It’s just the way it is” are inadequate for children as they develop a mind of their own. We need to be on our toes!
We must guard against punting our children’s doubts to the priest or the catechists, rather than taking the time and effort to help them find their answers. However, spoon-feeding them pat answers that we even have doubts about can force them into outright rebellion. I was 12 years old when I asked my father why we were Christian for the first time. His answer was inadequate: “Don’t ask that, just be glad we are.” That wasn’t what I needed to hear from him at that time. I needed a parent who was open to my doubts and willing to help me answer them.
On the other hand, allowing children to figure life out on their own isn’t a reliable option, since it puts them in the precarious position of bowing to peer and cultural beliefs that counter the abundant life the Lord promises. Active examination and discovery are always the best way to learn. As children mature, we can partner with them to examine life’s big questions from a biblical worldview and discover the best path for their unique personalities together as we answer their questions.
To best be prepared for our expanding task as parent-mentor, a bit of self-examination is necessary: Am I the primary influence in my child’s life? Do I prioritize my child’s emotional and spiritual development? Does my child witness a stable faith identity in me? Does she witness vibrance in my faith and understanding of God’s will for my life? Is our family spiritually engaged? Does our faith in God make a difference in how we order our lives? Does my child know beyond a shadow of doubt that I love and accept them for who they are? How can I improve? What can I do better? When we are open to self-examination, our children are influenced by our strong witness of faith and virtue.
There comes a time in our children’s lives that they ask the big questions about life, faith and existence. In upcoming blogs, we will explore improving our serve as parents of maturing children. Coupled with our fervent prayer for our children, we place ourselves in God’s hands as instruments in God’s sovereignty over our children’s lives. By this, we unite with the Lord to form saints for his glory and their blessing.
He totally emptied himself and did not allow himself to be concerned with
things he knew would never satisfy him. He knew in whose image he had
been made, of what greatness he was capable. ~St. Bernard of Clairvaux
(A comment on teenager St. Pancras and other young martyrs in the fourth century)
Know Thyself
Adolescence is a period of experimenting with unique ways to differentiate oneself from others. It is also the beginning of forming an independent identity apart from parental influence. It is healthy and normal for our children to question, even doubt, some of the beliefs we have tried to instill in them; knowing what we believe and why we believe demands examination. When Socrates instructed, “Know thyself,” he understood the necessity of self-awareness to navigate society, especially a society that forms truth by consensus rather than objective truth. When and how do we successfully prepare our children for this phase of their lives? We begin in early childhood.
It works this way: As we allow our children to experience the effects of disobedience and life’s adversities under our guidance, they become stronger humans. Jenny has been told not to touch the burner, but until she knows from experience that the stove burner is often too hot to touch, she won’t be as cautious near a stove. As hard as it is, we need to allow Jenny the experience of being burned. As Jenny matures, we have told her that lying is a sin against God and others, but until she experiences the effect of lying, she won’t be careful to always speak the truth. It’s up to us to help Jenny face the consequences of sin and hold her accountable for her actions.
As Jenny’s life experiences expand, she starts questioning the Christian worldview, but until other worldviews confront her, she won’t learn how to own and kindly defend her Christian worldview. If Jenny were a bird in the nest, this is where Jenny must learn to fly! And we must be the ones to teach her.
When Jesus told us we are blessed when we are persecuted and reviled, he showed us that life is hard when you don’t live like the majority around you, but it is hard for a reason: the blessing of fortitude and courage. Just as friction is necessary for fire, relational friction is essential for character building.
Jenny the bird needs to face the friction of fear of failure, the adversity of the wind, and the law of gravity before she can be blessed in being what she was created to be. Jenny, the adolescent, needs to face the friction of rejection by others and the adversity of revilement from others so as not to crash and burn in her faith in God. She is blessed with the reward of strong character, which the Lord promises through resilience in the face of opposition.
In subsequent blogs, we will discover ways to unite Jenny’s self-identity with her God-given identity. In the meantime, we have a worksheet to prepare your mind for assisting Jenny as she matures.
Parents, our children must find their way in the world, and we want them to work it through so that their life, faith and journey come from a place of authenticity guided by the Holy Spirit and rooted in truth. It’s rarely a straight line. However, the Holy Spirit’s grace goes before us, walks with us, and follows us always as we faithfully try to raise godly and virtuous children.
~I am a freelance writer. This post first appeared in a periodical.
The Maiden Warrior 