Category: The Domestic Church: The Family

[A parent set out to sow the philosophical truths and virtues of faith in God in their child’s heart]. And as he sowed, some seed fell on the path and was trampled, and the birds of the sky ate it up. Some seed fell on rocky ground, and when it grew, it withered for lack of moisture. Some seed fell among thorns, and the thorns grew with it and choked it. And some seed fell on good soil, and when it grew, it produced fruit a hundredfold.” After saying this, he called out, “Whoever has ears to hear ought to hear.
~St. Luke 8:5-8

We continue our exploration of the parable of the seed and how to apply it to the parenting of adolescents by comparing the fertility of the soil to the condition of the home environment. We discussed how necessary it is for the Lord to be acknowledged and reverenced as the foundation of our life—the “soil” of our being, the why of our existence. That is just the beginning.

Recall Jenny, the bird, who has to learn why she is expected to leave the safety of the nest before she can act on what she is created to be. She must overcome her fear by understanding that there is no other option for her to be happy unless she learns to fly—it is what she was created for. Oh, that it would be that easy for us to know what we are designed for and how to live in that identity.

Let’s discuss how we can further stabilize the environment of our home so that the seed of Catholic philosophy germinates the “what” and “how” of our adolescents’ identity by exploring some of the marks of a holy family. We will be drawing from the counsel Father Sebastian Walshe offers in his excellent book, “Always a Catholic.” (See Resource Box.)

Integrity

Our adolescents’ conclusions about identity ultimately depend on the influence we have on them. As parents, our authentic witness to the faith in family life is not just important, it’s integral. When we say one thing and do another, it can cause our children to disbelieve the existential answers of Catholic philosophy and doubt the veracity of practicing faith in God as Catholic Christians.

Let’s expand on that: If the primary influencers in Jenny’s life don’t model to her that the Catholic philosophy of life is the key to their happiness and contentment, she will search for happiness and stability in things that are incapable of providing it. This is not just a possibility, it’s a potential consequence we must urgently address. Choosing temporal answers for eternal security is fleeting, subjective and influenced by the external factors of a hedonistic society. Jenny will be inclined to prioritize self-interest, neglect her responsibility for her actions, and potentially form harmful relationships.

Some questions to consider: Have I answered for myself where I look for happiness? Has my faith in God and trust in his Church grown past the “it’s just what we do” mentality? Is every choice I make rooted in the understanding that the Lord my God cares about every little detail of my life? Do my children witness in me a profound spiritual joy in desiring and possessing the good only the Lord can give? Living in God’s love is not just a duty, it’s a source of profound joy and fulfillment. When we fix our eyes on the principles of the Shema (Deuteronomy 6), we are guided by the Holy Spirit of God to “love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might” (v.5); we order ourselves to God rather than allowing the culture to order our lives. Through the help of the Holy Spirit, this focus enables us to strive toward the goal of rearing holy children.

Communion

The root of understanding does not fail.
~Wisdom 3:15b

In his book, Father Walshe says, “Communion is when members within the family share one life. Each person knows, loves, is known by, and is loved by all others.” How are we doing at family communion? How often do we do life together? Do our adolescents know beyond a shadow of a doubt that our home is a refuge of acceptance and understanding? Adolescents are more likely to rebel against their family community if they have established a stronger sense of community outside the family structure. That is not to say we insulate our children from society. Instead, we maintain a balance between the benefits of society and the greater good of living, moving and having our being in God alone (Acts 17:28). Extracurricular activities are vital for building community, but they are a poor facsimile for determining what we believe we are to be and how we are to live.

How can we assure that our adolescents’ primary faith community remains intact as they pursue the good found in other pursuits? Father Walshe follows the principle that the human heart cannot live in a vacuum in his counsel to parents. If there is a void of camaraderie in the home, our adolescents will search for something to fill it. When we proactively build family and faith communities early in our children’s lives, we are providing them with the emotional stability they need
to live happily in the world, yet not of the world.

Here is a suggestion on how to form a strong family community, drawn from experience and observation: Regular family meals, shared prayer times, and engaging in family activities like hiking or volunteering together can all contribute to a strong family community.

Be more present to your family than to any other person, interest or career; this can be monumentally hard to balance, especially in single-parent homes. Yet, our Lord’s grace extends in abundance to our insufficiency and brokenness when we rely on him to fill the void that sin or death may have caused. A word of counsel to parish communities: The Lord has called us to be united in caring for one another! Consider forming strong bonds with single-parent families by coming alongside them as reliable helpers in nurturing their children as if they were our own family.

Religion that is pure and undefiled before God and the Father is this: to care for orphans and widows in their affliction.
~St. James 1:27

Order and Harmony

When the family is in harmony, the children are well brought up, the domestics are in good order, and neighbors, friends, and relations enjoy the fragrance. But if it be otherwise, all is turned upside down and thrown into confusion.
~St. John Chrysostom

When we act together as a whole, we teach our children to prioritize the common good of the family over individual interests. This begins with our marital relationship, marked by mutual love and respect between a husband and wife. Read that sentence again, friends! This is not readily witnessed in our culture, and many of us came from homes where it wasn’t modeled.

No matter how many years we have been married, it is never too late to deepen our unity in our relationship through sacramental living and sacrifice. Remember that the apex of our union is the Lord Jesus, and we stand together in a holy trinity of marriage from which life flows. The Holy Family is our model. They experienced poverty, great struggles, hardships and misunderstandings, yet remained integrated, thriving in their identity. Pray with them as you parent.

Be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.
~Ephesians 5:1-2

Virtue begets the Holy Spirit’s gift of wisdom, understanding, counsel, fortitude, knowledge, piety and reverence for the Lord. Like any gift, the receiver must open it to be enjoyed, and once we do, the Lord enables us to exercise it and grow strong in our relationship. Here’s the lovely thing: As virtue puts down roots in our hearts and minds, virtue grows, and we bear the fruits of God’s Spirit in our homes: love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. When our children recognize the gifts of order and harmony between us, they are more likely to embrace it as the gold standard in all their relationships. (See Resource Box.)

Consider ordering your family life around the liturgical calendar, celebrating life by the Church year. Many books are available to help you establish a framework of Christian identity. The authors do the work for you, from what to cook for dinner to what to learn from whatever the liturgical calendar has on its “agenda.” (See Resource Box.)

When the Seed of Faith Seems to Die

One last word for the many parents who have done everything right in the best way they knew how to raise children with a Catholic worldview and the vibrant practice of Catholic Christianity. Ultimately, our children are free moral agents who make their own decisions about life and how to live it. When they reach their young adult years, many children may stray from or even reject their faith heritage, causing parents to despair over their choices. They may choose to return to their faith in God, or they may not. We will discuss this next month, summarizing the birds, thorns and rocks that threaten the seed of faith as symptoms of a deep-seated contagion present in the soil of the human condition, and how we can pray against the enemy’s presence in our children’s lives.

Resources
“Always a Catholic” by Father Sebastian Walshe, O. Praem.

“Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs” and “Love and Respect in the Family: The Respect Parents Desire; The Love Children Need”
by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs

“The Catholic All Year Compendium: Liturgical Living for Real Life” by Kendra Tierney

“The Companion Book of Catholic Days:
A Guide to Feasts, Saints, Holy Days,
and Seasons” by Karen Edmisten

~I am a freelance writer. This post first appeared in a periodical.

Children are more likely to absorb the Beatitudes of merciful and peaceful spirits when we adopt them as attitudes in our own hearts, display them in our actions, and weave them into the fabric of our lives. Jesus taught us, as parents, to be the salt of the earth and the light of the world in our corner of his world. Let’s explore how we can do that more effectively.

Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy …
Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called children of God. ~St. Matthew 5:7, 9

Like seeds, we must cultivate mercy and peace by nurturing empathy in our children. It’s probably no surprise that not all children are biddable and selfless. Kindness doesn’t come naturally for all children, but that doesn’t mean a child can’t make it a habit of the heart. Some children seem to thrive on conflict, but that doesn’t mean they can’t learn to be peaceable. So, how do we instill these dispositions of the heart in our children?

Jesus doesn’t give us a list of do’s and don’ts for peace or mercy, but the 100 verses in St. Matthew’s Gospel that follow the Beatitudes Jesus taught on living a virtuous life demonstrate them. Jesus gives this lesson that we can apply to how mercy and peace can transform our children’s lives.

You are the salt of the earth. But if salt loses its taste, with what can it be seasoned? It is no longer good for anything but to be thrown out and trampled underfoot. You are the light of the world. A city set on a mountain cannot be hidden. Nor do they light a lamp and then put it under a bushel basket; it is set on a lamp stand, where it gives light to all in the house. Just so, your light must shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your heavenly Father.
~St. Matthew 5:13-16

Just as salt is meant to season food and light to brighten the darkness, we want to help our children understand that their dispositions of heart can season and brighten their corner of the world. Our children deal with the same unsavory relationships and darkened thinking that we do. We can begin early and often to emphasize the attitudes and actions of mercy and peace.

It is impossible to achieve virtue without love. For each virtue
is made secure through love and humility,
with the aid of experience, time, and grace.
~St. Euthymius

Mercy and Peace

Experience, time and grace are the instruments for teaching our children the value of mercy and peace. Additionally, when combined with our love and humility toward others, we model compassionate behavior toward them. When we demonstrate kindness, empathy and forgiveness in our interactions, they rub off on our children. It’s pretty easy to be merciful to the world’s marginalized peoples; however, Jesus teaches that if we withhold mercy from those closest to us, how can we expect God to be merciful to us?

Let’s bring that closer to home. When we gossip and backbite about extended family members, fellow parishioners, priests, neighbors, work associates, teachers and each other, we are eroding peace and mercy. That rubs off on our children, who will surely imitate our patterns. An excellent Scripture to make our personal and family mantra is:

[Make] the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart
be acceptable in your sight,
O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.
~Psalm 19:14

Wouldn’t it be refreshing for our culture to learn how to disagree without angry retaliations? Jesus expects us to lead the way and be the salt and light of virtue, and it is in our homes where we begin to change the world. We want our children to have a spiritual and emotional backbone to get along with everyone, rather than drawing lines in the sand to show who is in and who is out. We have various opportunities for this within our homes. We can help them learn to resolve conflicts with us and their siblings peacefully by discussing their feelings, finding common ground, and working together to compromise. When they reach the age of reason, we can proactively expose them to opposing worldviews to help them develop a robust faith. Working together as a family to learn about the significant differences between people prepares them for encountering opposition. (See links below.)

When we practice active listening by having eye-to-eye conversations with our children, we model how to pay attention to others’ feelings. Validating others’ emotions is an act of mercy in itself. I don’t quite understand what you are saying. Could you tell me more about how you are feeling? What can I do for you? How can I help you? What do you want me to do differently?

We model humility when we apologize and show remorse for any unkind words or insensitive actions we have done to others. We want our children to develop empathy for others; we can engage in “perspective-taking,” where we help them understand how their words and actions affect others. How would you feel if someone took your favorite toy …your place in line …your homework …your friend.

We teach our children how to recognize their actions and how they affect others. Help them learn how to apologize for their actions. Saying sorry isn’t enough most of the time; instead, say, I did wrong to you, and I apologize. Will you forgive me?

There are excellent books and movies with virtuous themes that we can read or watch with our children, pausing to reflect on passages and scenes. Discuss the characters’ actions and how they impacted others, encouraging your children to consider the consequences of their choices, both positive and negative. (See links below.)

Encouraging our family to engage in “I Spy” for virtuous behavior can be a fun competition that motivates us to choose virtue consistently. I noticed how angry you felt when … bless you for controlling your anger toward … So and so mistreated you, but I was glad to see you choose to ignore it, just like Jesus would. The Lord has created you with the unique ability to encourage others; you are like a light in the darkness… I enjoy observing how your zest for life brings happiness to others!

Family prayer

Lord God, your Word tells us that steadfast love and faithfulness meet when we dwell with you. Holy Spirit, would you teach us these virtues? We desire to choose goodness and to be peacemakers in all circumstances. Your love for us amazes us, and your goodness toward us is a blessing. Help us always seek to do good for others.
~Amen
(Adapted Psalm 85:10,12-13)

Resources

How to practice peace and mercy when you disagree with someone:
catholicmom.com/articles/2014/01/28/learning-to-argue-well-and-teaching-our-kids-to-do-the-same

catholictt.org/2021/02/02/teaching-children-conflict-resolution/

Family movie lists:
media.benedictine.edu/movies-for-future-men
media.benedictine.edu/movies-for-future-women

~I am a freelance writer. This post first appeared in a periodical.

The first two Beatitudes we discussed focus on the personal attitudes of those poor in spirit and those who mourn. This month’s Beatitude shifts our focus to the interpersonal attitude of a merciful spirit toward others—the gentle disposition of heart that motivates one to relate to others kindly, with humility and consideration. Meek does not equate to weak; far from it! The biblical understanding of meekness is strength under control. The example of Jesus is that he never wavered on truth and goodwill in his relationship with humanity, even when he had every right to in our way of thinking.

Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.
~St. Matthew 5:5

One of the areas where a merciful spirit is most needed is in our differences with others. The environment of our homes is like an incubator for virtue or vice. Our children will model our behaviors; therefore, we must learn to be meek. We will consider how we can do that to help our children be meek. One version of the Bible expands on St. Matthew 5:5 this way: “Blessed [inwardly peaceful, spiritually secure, worthy of respect] are the gentle [the kind-hearted, the sweet-spirited, the self-controlled], for they will inherit the earth” (Amplified Modern Version). Let’s examine how we can train our children in meekness (gentleness and humility).

The Blessing of Reverence for the Lord

[Reverence for] the Lord is training for wisdom, and humility goes before honors.
~Proverbs 15:33

Reverence for the Lord often reads “fear of the Lord” in Sacred Scripture; the word “fear” causes some confusion when we don’t understand it according to the intention of the Hebrew language. Reverence comes much closer to its meaning. Reverence is the humble disposition of the heart toward the Lord and others. When we revere the Lord, we recognize our humble position before his sovereignty. When we revere others, we treat them with respect; this leads to inheriting the land, read: peace within our borders.

Do our children know how to revere the Lord and others? Do we teach them to be respectful when we enter our parish to worship in the Mass by quieting themselves, paying attention and participating in the responses of our worship? Do we model reverence for others? If we do, we teach them to be meek and humble.

The Blessing of Submission

Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am meek and humble of heart; and you will find rest for yourselves. For my yoke is easy, and my burden light.
~St. Matthew 11:29-30

Jesus used the metaphor of a yoke that joined two oxen together to make the burden lighter for the oxen; they shared their load as a team. Here’s the thing: the oxen must submit to the yoke before they find relief from the burden of pulling the cart alone. Submission to our Lord’s will (yoke) is at the heart of all the blessings and promises throughout Sacred Scripture.

St. Paul learned to submit to the yoke the hard way! What we know of St. Paul is that he was a zealous and vengeful man before the Lord knocked him off his high horse. That encounter was a threshold to one humbling encounter after another.

We can sometimes observe Paul’s character before he was knocked off his high-horse in ourselves and our children when we are determined to stay on our high horse. Children can be loud with their objections to the yoke of humility or stubbornly quiet in their resistance; either way, there is a hardness, intransigence, or anger the Holy Spirit desires to tame.

Our children need the yoke of discipline because they need to learn that the world does not revolve around them. The blessing of discipline is that they learn to be humble, gentle, patient and forbearing, which leads to true and lasting peace from the Lord. Oh, friends, more than ever, it seems, our children need peace; the home is the surest place for them to receive it. How are we doing?

The Blessing of Accountability and Cooperation

However bad the situation you encounter may be, don’t become agitated and angry, for that will just make things worse. ~Father Jacques Philippe

Of course, we do not want to force our children into meekness by humiliating them. A humble heart is formed not by shaming or embarrassing our children but by allowing them to experience the consequences of their words and actions. We all can recall moments when a conflict arises in the home, and just when you think things are settling down, someone has to have the last word! Then, we are forced back on the hamster wheel of conflict. There is a better way.

We can seize the opportunity to discuss the injustice a child feels and guide them to respond with gentle honesty rather than react with irritation and resentment. But this takes our time and attention! First, to calm the room; second, to provide time alone for a child to think about their actions; and finally, to bring the family back together for a peaceful solution.

When our children know we will hold them accountable until they have worked together to resolve their dispute, they learn to calm themselves and become more cooperative in conflict. Whatever method you use for resolving conflict in your home, over time and with consistency, we can slowly shift the paradigm of our family life from bickering chaos to (somewhat) peaceful relationships as our children learn to be meek and humble of heart.

The Fruit of Meekness

Jesus taught that the meek would inherit the earth. What was he getting at? The culture teaches that aggressive, even harsh behavior will dominate the earth. The upside-down, right-side-up truth of the kingdom of God teaches that the humble will inherit the earth. Jesus referred to the theme in Psalm 37: the humble will inherit the blessing and peace of God in the “promised land” if, when we are wronged, we don’t take revenge but trust in God’s justice and mercy.

So, how do we nurture our children to be kindhearted, sweet-spirited and self-controlled? We choose influences that lead to a virtuous life by selecting activities that promote cooperation and problem-solving. Search the internet for “games that teach cooperation,” and you’ll find plenty of suggestions for all age groups. Playing cooperative games instills empathy for others, which is at the heart of meekness.

Meekness is a virtue that requires experience and maturity to develop in all of us. When we start attending to this when our children are young, the Holy Spirit will come alongside us with insight and discernment on how best to apply it to our children’s different personalities as they mature.

Lord Jesus, you said, “Blessed are the gentle, for they shall inherit the earth.” Help me to model strength under control before my children. Tame any ruthlessness I display toward others. Grant me a spirit of humility that strives for goodwill toward others and the discipline to consider others’ feelings in any disagreement.
~Amen

Ideas:
Teach older children how to care for younger children and rely on them to help you prepare to go places together.

Spend more time together as a family, participating in the community activities around you.

Play cooperative games like three-legged races or partner children together to navigate an obstacle course (for older children, blindfold one partner).

Build something together: block towers, legos, model sets or hobby projects.

~I am a freelance writer. This post first appeared in a periodical.

“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.”

We usually think of death when we hear the word mourn, but there are significant losses in life, such as divorce, that we mourn. To mourn is to feel deep sorrow or regret, which we can also experience with other losses. The virtue of fortitude in facing loss is not something we witness very much. We tend to short-shrift mourning to a set time and place and become uncomfortable about grieving outside the prescribed boundaries. That’s just not healthy!

There is a time for sadness, and it can be good for us; Jesus tells us that in what is referred to as the Sermon on the Mount. We need more space for mourning divorce and death instead of shoving our broken spirits under the proverbial rug. How can we do that for our children? How can we help them through mourning into the comfort the Lord promises for us?

This month, we will explore practical ways to help our children navigate some of the most complex emotions they will ever have. Next month, we will discuss the four last things: death, judgment, heaven, and hell, and how we can acquaint our children with the reality of dying and death.

When we are in sorrow, it can reveal the deep love of our Lord for us when we recognize that suffering strengthens faith, hope, and love in us.

The most important thing to remember is that children grieve deeply those closest to them, but their tender hearts can also mourn for others’ suffering. It is vital to build an atmosphere in our homes where our children feel safe with their emotions and can be honest about their feelings; they learn best from how we handle grief in divorce, death and loss.

Regardless of age, children have questions about loss and the suffering it causes them; ask them about their questions. If you don’t have an answer, explore suffering with your priest together (more about this next month). Sometimes, children will feel that accidents, divorce and death are somehow their fault. You can help them by talking about your feelings of fault in those circumstances that have caused the suffering.

Encourage them to talk to Jesus about the suffering they are going through. It is of eternal importance that we acknowledge our Lord’s suffering and that he is acquainted with our grief. Remind them that Jesus was “spurned and avoided by men, a man of suffering, knowing pain … Yet it was our pain that he bore, our sufferings he endured” (Isaiah 53:3a, 4a). Talk about Jesus mourning over his friend, Lazarus (St. John 11:1-34-3), and ask them about their own feelings at seeing their loved one depart or die.

Remind them of our Blessed Mother’s suffering in St. Luke 2:22-38 and St. John 19. Talk about the feelings Jesus and Mary must have felt while they suffered. Assure them that the Lord understands their fear, and they can express their doubts about his love and care for them as they mourn.

Prudently talk about the realities of a loved one’s last days of suffering or the circumstance that took a loved one away from them (death or divorce). Their imaginations can cause all sorts of feelings, so make sure you are the one to attend to them when they do. If they are mourning the absence of their mother or father due to separation and divorce, guard your tongue! Too often, the suffering children endure because of divorce can be underestimated by the parent who is listening to them if feelings of bitterness or anger are harbored against the other parent.

Grieving can come in fits and starts. One minute, your child may seem to be adjusting to their loss, the next, they may be in tears or acting out in anger when they see something that reminds them of their loved one. In fact, it is much easier for a child to act on their feelings rather than talk about them—we know this, don’t we? There really are no words adequate to express the raw emotions death and loss cause.

If possible, visit the cemetery where the loved one is in repose. Some children benefit from taking a remembrance item to place on the grave; allowing them to decide on the item provides a sense of empowerment for them. Writing letters or drawing pictures to give to a loved one is healing for any age person, but especially for children. It is helpful to your children when you express your sadness and pray with the Lord about it in their hearing; this encourages them to talk to the Lord when they are overcome with emotions.

Help your children understand that a cemetery is sacred ground by praying before you leave your car for all those who have died that their souls would be welcomed into the light of God’s eternal presence. Reverently walk through the cemetery, avoiding walking on graves.

Expressing suffering through artwork can help many children who can’t put the complexity of emotions, including guilt, shame, regret and anger, into words. Have your child describe what is happening in their artwork and refrain from negative feedback about the emotions. Acknowledge the feelings and express how you feel what they are feeling.

Creating a memorial place in your home for a deceased loved one is an ancient practice that would be helpful for us to do when we have suffered a death. The space can be used for prayers for those you mourn and anyone close to them, and it can help normalize feelings. Explain to your children that strong feelings are part of grief, that they can come and go for a long time, and that you will keep the memorial there as long as they need it. The memorial can be used as a sacred space for prayer and the sharing of memories for you with your children.

Lord Jesus, I am so sad; I miss [loved one] so much that it hurts awful. I know that you hurt really bad when your family and friends suffered, too, so would you wrap your arms around me and listen to me when I cry?

I am angry at you, Lord Jesus, why did you let [loved one] die? Don’t you know how much I miss [loved one]? Help me not to be so lonely for [loved one], and help me to forgive you for allowing [loved one] to die.

I feel like it was my fault that they (loved one) left/died, and I wish I could bring them back! I don’t know what to do with my feelings! Do you feel what I am feeling?

These fears need to be prayed for the sake of voicing them; don’t interject how you think they should feel about their worries. The Holy Spirit is the Wonderful Counselor; allow your children the freedom to pray in their raw emotions. He, in his way, will counsel their hearts according to their most profound need.

St. John Henry Newman wrote a beautiful prayer worth considering as a bedtime prayer for your family; it subtly acquaints them with the understanding of a “holy rest” that awaits us all.

O Lord, support us all the day long till the shadows lengthen and the evening comes and the busy world is hushed and the fever of life is over and our work is done. Then in your mercy, grant us a safe lodging and a holy rest and peace at the last.

~Amen

~I am a freelance writer. This post first appeared in a periodical.

We have explored the four cardinal virtues—prudence, justice, fortitude and temperance—and are now ready to strengthen these dispositions in our children. The Lord intends the pursuit of virtue to be a daily journey we travel together as a family. In his goodness, he gave us the Beatitudes to act as signposts on the path of virtue.

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Father Jacque Philippe writes that this beatitude is “the source of all the others; it contains them all, as a seed contains a plant.” He describes spiritual poverty as “the freedom to receive everything freely and to give everything freely.”

What poverty of spirit doesn’t look like:

Johnny always wants to be first in line and first to be recognized before everyone else. He’s sly about it, but he is nearly always successful in manipulating circumstances and others to ensure he gets what he wants; sometimes he complains, accuses, pouts, or storms out of the room when he doesn’t get what he wants.

Sally keeps score on everything; when slighted, she never forgets, and everyone knows about it! She goes out of her way to find fault in others and to tell everyone else about them. She lies about others to make herself look better. Sally shows little respect for her parents, siblings, teachers and others.

We may be Johnny or Sally, and our children may be Johnny or Sally! What can we do to assume the spiritual posture of poverty and recognize that everything comes to us from God for his goodwill and purpose?

What poverty of spirit does look like:

Johnny’s parents have taught him to practice J.O.Y.: Jesus, Others and You. He can’t remember when his family didn’t love Jesus; everything about their lives is about loving Jesus more than anything else. His family worships at Mass every Sunday. They celebrate the liturgical year every day by praying with the Lord about all the things in their lives that trouble them, and they always thank God for his love and goodness. They regularly learn about the saints of salvation history to learn how to love Jesus and others.

One of his parents helps him through an examination of conscience most nights, guiding him in taking his self-centered tendencies that hurt others to Jesus for forgiveness. He’s learned to recognize that manipulation of others and a complaining spirit cause his parents and siblings pain; therefore, he goes with his parents to the Sacrament of Reconciliation to confess his sin of hurting others and receive absolution. His parents help him to obey the priest’s command, “Go and sin no more.”

He is inspired by his parents’ careful attention to not cause others trouble. He seldom hears them complain or sees them get angry, but when he does, they are quick to apologize for their attitudes and actions.

Sally’s family practices J.O.Y. as well, and their faith practices are similar to Johnny’s. Sally’s parents are hospitable to others and are very careful to speak well of everyone. Her parents regularly address Sally’s trouble with getting along by helping her see how her behavior towards others disrespects the Lord and them. When angry or rude, her parents teach her to be a good human by taking her to confession, holding her accountable for her behavior, apologizing, and asking for forgiveness from the person she hurt. They guide Sally to see the best in others by discussing the offensive behavior and helping her develop alternative responses to others.

Sally’s family challenges each other to perform acts of mercy by serving others in a family-friendly competition. Each week, they choose one of the fruits of virtue—love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, faithfulness, goodness, gentleness and self-control—keeping a tally on their J.O.Y. board. The week’s winner chooses a game they can play where they can practice the fruits of virtue on each other.

Children have an innate desire for leadership, authority, and security; we can leverage this desire to trust and follow our beloved Lord. When we cooperate with the Lord in our vocation as their parents, he will enable us to create a joyful atmosphere in our homes!

~I am a freelance writer. This post first appeared in a periodical.