Three Minutes of Grace

ON PRAYING THE SCRIPTURES

The thoughtful reading of a Scripture passage–a scene, a sentence, a word–
and it’s challenge to present circumstances and private choices
is the foundation of a faith rooted in the spirit of Jesus.
~Sister Joan Chittister, O.S.B.

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CONSIDER

Lectio is the contemplative reading of Scripture where we reflect on what has been said and what it means for us here and now; it is the most effective way to read the Scriptures because we have to face what a passage is beckoning us to. However, Lectio can also be a method for praying (responding to the Lord). The Church teaches that all of Scripture is written for our salvation. It follows that when we pray the Scripture, we cooperate with the Holy Spirit in our salvation. Don’t you want that, friend?

When we immerse ourselves in Sacred Scripture, it becomes the backdrop for all our attitudes and actions. Think of it this way: A scrim is a theater backdrop that appears opaque when a scene is front-lit but transparent when it is back-lit. The scene behind the scrim explains the meaning and context of the what, when, and why of the events in the forward scene.

And so it goes with our lives. The meaning and purpose of our lives cannot be understood or even navigated well unless we are mindful of God’s kingdom, which runs parallel to the events of our lives. So, what’s happening behind the scrim? It is the never-ending pattern of God’s story that began before time and will never end. (There’s nothing new under the sun. Israel’s story is our story.) Knowing that would put a bunch of those empty nothings we get so caught up in in their proper order, wouldn’t it?

PRAY

Today, let’s contemplate a teaching of Jesus and respond in prayer for our priests and ourselves:

The lamp of the body is the eye. If your eye is sound, your whole body will be filled with light, but if your eye is bad, your whole body will be in darkness. And if the light in you is darkness, how great will the darkness be.
~Matthew 6:22-23

PRAY

Light of the World, enlighten my eyes and fix my gaze upon “your Kingdom come on earth as it is in heaven.” My little fiefdom is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed about by the wind, and I am sick and tired of it. I know that you are not the God of disorder but of peace; confusion doesn’t come from you but from my darkened understanding of life. Oh, Father of lights! Please fill me with all the good you want to give me; grant me the perfect gift of wisdom. Your Word declares that in you, there is no alteration or shadow caused by change! I desire that stability; grant it, Lord!
~Amen

(Adapted Matthew 6:22-23; 1 Corinthians 14:33; James 1:6,17)

~I am a freelance writer. This post first appeared in a periodical.

The Domestic Church: Teach Your Children Poverty of Spirit

We have explored the four cardinal virtues—prudence, justice, fortitude and temperance—and are now ready to strengthen these dispositions in our children. The Lord intends the pursuit of virtue to be a daily journey we travel together as a family. In his goodness, he gave us the Beatitudes to act as signposts on the path of virtue.

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Father Jacque Philippe writes that this beatitude is “the source of all the others; it contains them all, as a seed contains a plant.” He describes spiritual poverty as “the freedom to receive everything freely and to give everything freely.”

What poverty of spirit doesn’t look like:

Johnny always wants to be first in line and first to be recognized before everyone else. He’s sly about it, but he is nearly always successful in manipulating circumstances and others to ensure he gets what he wants; sometimes he complains, accuses, pouts, or storms out of the room when he doesn’t get what he wants.

Sally keeps score on everything; when slighted, she never forgets, and everyone knows about it! She goes out of her way to find fault in others and to tell everyone else about them. She lies about others to make herself look better. Sally shows little respect for her parents, siblings, teachers and others.

We may be Johnny or Sally, and our children may be Johnny or Sally! What can we do to assume the spiritual posture of poverty and recognize that everything comes to us from God for his goodwill and purpose?

What poverty of spirit does look like:

Johnny’s parents have taught him to practice J.O.Y.: Jesus, Others and You. He can’t remember when his family didn’t love Jesus; everything about their lives is about loving Jesus more than anything else. His family worships at Mass every Sunday. They celebrate the liturgical year every day by praying with the Lord about all the things in their lives that trouble them, and they always thank God for his love and goodness. They regularly learn about the saints of salvation history to learn how to love Jesus and others.

One of his parents helps him through an examination of conscience most nights, guiding him in taking his self-centered tendencies that hurt others to Jesus for forgiveness. He’s learned to recognize that manipulation of others and a complaining spirit cause his parents and siblings pain; therefore, he goes with his parents to the Sacrament of Reconciliation to confess his sin of hurting others and receive absolution. His parents help him to obey the priest’s command, “Go and sin no more.”

He is inspired by his parents’ careful attention to not cause others trouble. He seldom hears them complain or sees them get angry, but when he does, they are quick to apologize for their attitudes and actions.

Sally’s family practices J.O.Y. as well, and their faith practices are similar to Johnny’s. Sally’s parents are hospitable to others and are very careful to speak well of everyone. Her parents regularly address Sally’s trouble with getting along by helping her see how her behavior towards others disrespects the Lord and them. When angry or rude, her parents teach her to be a good human by taking her to confession, holding her accountable for her behavior, apologizing, and asking for forgiveness from the person she hurt. They guide Sally to see the best in others by discussing the offensive behavior and helping her develop alternative responses to others.

Sally’s family challenges each other to perform acts of mercy by serving others in a family-friendly competition. Each week, they choose one of the fruits of virtue—love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, faithfulness, goodness, gentleness and self-control—keeping a tally on their J.O.Y. board. The week’s winner chooses a game they can play where they can practice the fruits of virtue on each other.

Children have an innate desire for leadership, authority, and security; we can leverage this desire to trust and follow our beloved Lord. When we cooperate with the Lord in our vocation as their parents, he will enable us to create a joyful atmosphere in our homes!

~I am a freelance writer. This post first appeared in a periodical.

Three Minutes of Grace

THE FAST OF THE HEART

Does the Lord delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as much as in obedience to the Lord’s command? Obedience is better than sacrifice, to listen, better than the fat of rams. ~I Samuel 15:22-24

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CONSIDER

The Church has given us the grace of the lenten fast in the pattern of Jesus’s 40-day fast in the wilderness, but in reality, we are to fast daily because fasting, first and foremost, is a fast of the heart. Samuel, the prophet of the Lord, reprimanded King Saul for his half-heartedness in obedience to the Lord’s command concerning the battle of the Amalekites. (The Amalekites were the archenemies of Israel; it’s a fascinating story, worth your time and attention!) The takeaway for us is this: the Lord is much more interested in a continual sacrifice of our hearts than he is with us sacrificing from our appetite for 40 days. 

When Samuel confronted Saul about his half-hearted obedience to the Lord’s command, he confronted the stubbornness of Saul’s heart. Saul was duplicitous, deceitful, and power-hungry for recognition and fame; there wasn’t a ram anywhere that could atone for that if Saul wouldn’t have a change of heart. What about us, friends? What niches of our heart do we ignore while we “clothe ourselves in ashes?” Jealousy, resentment, pride, fear, anger…..OH! We could make long lists, couldn’t we? This lenten fast, let’s allow the Holy Spirit to lead us to  “wholeheartedness.”

PRAY

Holy God, Your Word declares that if I come before you wholeheartedly, you will deliver me from my enemies—even my frenemies of vice! You search and know me fully and how I fixate my heart on my desire to be noticed and approved by others more than I desire to be wholly acceptable in your eyes. I really don’t like that about myself; please forgive me, Lord. Why do I fight against your will when I know it is perfectly designed for me as your beloved child?

Father, grant me the fortitude of a willing spirit; purge me of apathy! Grant me a forgiving heart free of bitterness and resentment; purge me of pettiness and self-righteousness. May my sacrifice this lenten fast be a contrite spirit, for a contrite and humble spirit, O God, you will not spurn.

Amen

(Adapted prayer from 1 Samuel 7:3; Deuteronomy 10:12; 2 Maccabees 1:3-4; Jeremiah 24:7; Joel 2:12-13; Psalm 51)

~I am a freelance writer. This post first appeared in a periodical.

Pray It Forward: The Virtue of Fortitude

Prudence, Justice, Fortitude, and Temperance are the foundation of the theory of ethics; they are the hinges for us as parents and grandparents. Our goal is to build the strength of mind in our children to enable them to recognize dangers to their character and bear the pain or adversity with courage, which hinges on how strong their fortitude is.

The need for fortitude is likened to the grit to know your place on a sports team and play well for the game’s good. Chuck Colson wrote, “Remain at your posts and do your duty — for the glory of God and His Kingdom.” Oh, friends, we need to hear that, don’t we? Our children are in a skirmish with the enemy of their souls, who will do anything to distract them from the goal of being morally well-developed humans. The stakes are high and demand we remain at our posts as parents and do our duty to God and our children for the sake of life here and in eternity. Let’s consider a few virtues that hinge on fortitude and how we can help our children grow in their strength of character.

Firmness of Character

Pope Benedict XVI once said, “The ways of the Lord are not comfortable. But we were not created for comfort, but for greatness.” Greatness, or magnanimity, means being great of heart. And just like the Lion in The Wizard of Oz, it requires courage. We can train our children to be stick-to-it-ness at doing all things well for the glory of God (Colossians 3:23). This will teach our overachieving children to be more humble and teach our underachieving children to be more courageous.

Firmness of Purpose

St. Teresa of Calcutta said, “Do small things with great love.” Fortitude enables you to stay in the fight for goodness. Diligence comes easier to some than others, so when our children struggle or give up on a small or large thing, we have a perfect circumstance to teach fortitude. The Book of Hebrews writer encouraged us not to grow weary in well doing…to keep our eyes on Jesus…and to finish the race before us. Finishing doesn’t equate to winning in God’s mind. Finishing is the reward! We can guide our children to be firm in purpose, whether with homework, good behavior, household chores, good choices, or extracurricular activities. Some children may benefit from making a small to-do list that they can check off each day and experience the satisfaction of a job well done–we can gently push them to add “sacrifice” and “hard task” items.

Firmness in Patience and Perseverance

Our children need to learn to accept challenges graciously, without grumbling. Whining and angry outbursts show the need for fortitude; beginning in the toddler years, when we teach our children to wait their turn calmly, we teach them patience. When we train them not to complain about inconveniences, we teach them patience. When we teach our children to pray about a desire of their heart, instead of demanding we fulfill it, we teach them patience. Training them in patience will lay the ground for a lifetime of patiently enduring life when it doesn’t go their way; flexibility is an excellent human virtue. It’s hard to be consistent when our small children’s behaviors wear us out; persevere, dear parents!

Character Studies

When the writer of the Hebrews admonished the first believers to finish the race of faith, he reminded them of a litany of Old Testament saints known for their perseverance. I paraphrase what he then said.… since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight and the sin that clings so closely, and let us run this character race with perseverance (fortitude).… looking to Jesus the pioneer and perfecter of our faith.…

The Sacred Scriptures are replete with saints and sinners; they are there to help us run the race of virtue. History is replete with saints whose lives look much like ours; they are there to help us run the race of virtue. Spending time as a family learning from others who have finished well inspires our children and spurs them on. Here are a few suggestions beyond what we have already suggested for family worship times.

Resources:

Stories of the Saints: Bold and Inspiring Tales of Adventure, Grace, and Courage by Carey Wallace and Nick Thornborrow

A Saint a Day: A 365-Day Devotional Featuring Christian Saints by Meredith Hinds and Isabel Muñoz is appropriate for all ages.

Train the young in the way they should go;
Even when they are old, they will not swerve from it.
~Proverbs 22:5-6

~I am a freelance writer. This post first appeared in a periodical.

Three Minutes of Grace

THE GREAT FAST

Everything nonessential in us must fall away like ashes in a furnace so that the pure gold of our being, thus refined, may shine in the light of grace. The Lord holds you in his hand: know then, dear friend, that you belong to the Lord, whether you live or die.

For the peace of the Christian begins only in death…with the inexpressible bliss of supreme life, which is supreme wakefulness, supreme activity, and supreme intensity, and at the same time deepest calm, peace, and security….  ~Hanns George von Heintschell-Heinegg  (poet and theology student put to death by Nazis 1944 for being a part of the Resistance)

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CONSIDER

We have entered the Great Fast, a journey through the furnace of self-denial. We don’t enter the fast as a self-help endeavor; we enter it to die to the self so that we may live as Christ who “though he was in the form of God, did not regard equality with God something to be grasped. Rather, he emptied himself…[and] humbled himself, becoming obedient to death, even death on a cross” (Philippians 2:6-8). He laid down the pattern for us, and as we follow it, we come to know the deep calm, peace, and security of belonging to him. 

Hanns George von Heintschell-Heinegg faced “emptying himself” in the extreme. As he awaited his execution, he was forced to come to terms with all the nonessentials of life. Let’s use his counsel to inventory our motives in this year’s Lenten fast.

*Do I stake my life on belonging to the Lord, or does my autonomy consume me? If the latter, we need the journey through the furnace of self-denial.

*Am I at peace in my relationships, pursuits, past, present, and future? If not, we need to journey through the furnace of self-denial.

*Do I know the bliss of supreme life in Christ? Do I delight in sacrificing my time and resources for God’s good work? Do I desire the happiness of detachment from all my fascinations more than stockpiling distraction upon distraction? If not, we need the journey through the furnace of self-denial.

*Am I supremely aware of my vices and sinfulness? Am I supremely aware of the Lord’s forgiveness? If not, we need the journey through the furnace of self-denial.

*Do I strive for moral excellence in my attitudes and actions? If not, we need the journey through the furnace of self-denial.

*Am I supremely intent on receiving the fullness of the gifts of the Holy Spirit—wisdom, understanding, counsel, fortitude, knowledge, piety, and reverence for the Lord? If not, we need the journey through the furnace of self-denial.

*Do I desire the deepest calm, peace, and security that comes from the Lord alone? If not, we need the journey through the furnace of self-denial.

PRAY

Jesus, Lord, and Savior of my life, this year, I desire to endure the furnace of fasting from myself—all my attractions and fascinations, my self-will and self-promotion, my pursuits and persuasions.  I need your Holy Spirit’s strength to climb higher and fight harder for the restoration of your image in me. Grant me the honesty with myself to die to the behavior I excuse in myself. Illuminate my mind with your truth, and strengthen me in my weakness. Burn, Lord, burn! ~Amen

~I am a freelance writer. This post first appeared in a periodical.

Pray It Forward: The Virtue of Temperance

Temperance, otherwise known as moderation or self-restraint, is often relegated to the appetite, but it’s a necessary virtue for all our actions, thoughts, and feelings. One of the definitions of temperance is to know a calmness of mind, so this month, we will explore how to train our children to gain and maintain calmness of mind. St. Agustine defined virtue as “rightly ordered loves.” Aristotle said virtue is, in the mean, the middle between two extremes: excess and deficiency. Developing calmness of mind in our actions, thoughts, and feelings requires vigilance in reordering our loves; our children rely on us to model this before them.

The intemperate child struggles to restrain their passions; if you have passionate children who struggle to restrain their tongue, control their emotions, overcommit, and go to extremes in their pursuits and expectations of themselves and others, they need to be strengthened to moderate their motives and calm their minds. They tend to be high achievers who find it impossible to let themselves off the proverbial hook of their expectations. Passion is a beautiful strength, but as in all strengths, there’s an underbelly–a disordered passion that gives rise to disordered thinking and behavior. Consider the Holy Spirit’s counsel to us in the letter of St. James (4:1): “Where do the wars and where do the conflicts among you come? Is it not from your passions that make war within your members?” Unbridled passion becomes vice when it conflicts with others, eroding goodwill. That’s easy enough to recognize in our children’s conflicts with us and their siblings, but let’s take it further. James refers to the war among your members because he wrote to fellow believers. However, look at it this way: we as individuals have interior “members’ that war with each other: mind, body, and spirit.  St. Paul put that war in this way: “…take heed to yourselves, lest at any time your hearts be overcharged [with untamed] behavior.” (KJV I Cor. 10:12) Let the taming begin!

Inordinate love of the flesh is cruelty because, under the appearance of pleasing the body, we kill the soul. ~St. Bernard of Clairvaux

Tame the Actions

Self-discipline is especially difficult for intemperate children because their passion drives them; this may manifest in impetuous behavior. “Take a beat” may be an excellent cue to use with your impetuous child. Learning to slow down their reaction time by teaching them to wait to speak or do whatever has gotten into their head is good practice for them.  You can train them to moderate in that beat by asking provocative questions while reinforcing their passion and teaching them to be circumspect. I know how exciting it seems to you to do … let’s think about it for a few hours/days and talk to the Lord about your heart’s desire.  What do you hope to learn from your desire? Are you ready to commit to the responsibilities the desire requires? Do you want to spend your money on this desire, or do you want to keep saving it…? Do you want to eat it all now, or do you want to save some to enjoy later?

Tame the Thoughts

Learning to recognize negative thought patterns and restrain extreme emotional responses is a lifelong challenge for all of us. The thought pattern most likely manifested in our childhood, but we may not trained to recognize our emotions were out of control. Children susceptible to fear or anger are susceptible to irrationality. We can help them moderate the irrationality by teaching them to face the fear or anger and learn to cope with it. Through consistent reflective exposure to their fear or anger, we will help them self-moderate. You may want to relate your own stories of struggle and how the Lord helped you through it. There is nowhere you can go or nothing that can happen to you that our Lord doesn’t know about before you do. Isn’t that comforting? Let’s talk about this fear/anger. What made you afraid/angry? What do you think will happen because of this fear/anger? What do you need from Jesus most to help you with this circumstance? 

Tame the Feelings

A highly sensitive child is more sensitive to outside influences and is easily overcome by intense emotions and overwhelming responses to those emotions. We can recognize this in their inability to control their emotions, which drives them to overreact–physical or verbal reactions with others or within themselves.  They need firm boundaries that are secure as they experience their feelings. Rather than blaming their sensitivity for their physical and verbal reactions or sending them into isolation when their emotions flare, we must help them face what they have done to others or themselves during their response. I understand you are frustrated; let’s talk about how you feel. Why do you feel this way? How do you think so-and-so feels when you act like that toward them? This is an excellent time to remind our children what the gifts of the Holy Spirit and the fruits of virtue are by comparing their chosen behavior with the attributes that will strengthen them. The Lord has given you a passionate spirit, and we desire that you learn to discern if your strong desire has tempted you to forget how so-and-so may feel when you don’t control your [anger, frustration, sadness, impatience] towards them. 

Prayer for Temperance

Temper my desires, O Lord,

and turn my focus towards you.

Deliver me from the tendency to go to extremes

that strain both body and soul.

Help me to be content with what I have

instead of constantly seeking more.

May I come to recognize the grace of moderation

that brings both contentment and

appreciation.

Let temperance grow in me

and lead me to discover other virtues

that bring deeper union with you.

In your sacred name, I pray.

~Amen

Seedtime and Harvest

All the days of the earth,
seedtime and harvest,
cold and heat,
Summer and winter,
and day and night
shall not cease…

Six days you may labor, but on the seventh day, you shall rest; even during the seasons of plowing and harvesting, you must rest.

~Genesis 8:22; Exodus 34:21

Consider

To everything, there is a season, the ancient sage writes, a time to plant and a time to uproot the plant. (Ecclesiastes 3:1,2) God has set in his divine order the perennial seasons, but there’s a caveat to that rhythm that our ancestors who lived close to the land understood–the sabbath rest, a fifth season of sorts. A season on which the other seasons rely. The Torah required a sabbath rest for the land–six years they worked the land, on the 7th year, the ground rested, laying fallow … “you must rest.” Just as the fallowing law’s purpose was to restore soil fertility, God ordained the seventh day every week as a day of rest.

This is worth our consideration as we work the land of our existence; there needs to be a quieting time that ushers us into the stillness of God’s grace, a time of anticipation, of awaiting the new mercies He showers us every morning. It’s God’s prescriptive wisdom for a life well-lived; it is only when we cease our striving that His sacred instruction bears the fruit of sabbath rest. It’s what is necessary for what the psalmist was getting at when he said, “The Lord will indeed give what is good, and our land will yield its harvest.” (Psalm 85:12)

This may surprise you, but most people in the United States do not rest on the Sabbath, let alone join others to worship the Lord! We have forgotten what our ancestors innately knew across the ages; unless their ground lay fallow on a day in the week, fertility couldn’t be restored in the soil of their souls. It is one of the most challenging practices for postmoderns.

Pray

Lord, restore my soul, guide me along the right paths to receive your rest, and take measures to protect the Sabbath from interruptions.
Restore unto me the gladness of your salvation; uphold me with a willing spirit to allow you control of my time.
I choose to cease to be enslaved to the tyranny of the urgent!
Help me to desire to dwell with You and take refreshment from Your Word to me.
Guard me against wasting the Sabbath on this world’s “stupid and unintelligent” distractions lest I become wearied by the senselessness in temporal things.
Spirit of the Lord, rest upon me and give me a spirit of wisdom and understanding, counsel and strength, knowledge and reverence for You.

~Amen

(Adapted Psalm 23:3; Psalm 51:4, 80:20, 132:14; Ben Sira 22:13; Isaiah 11:12)

Pray It Forward: The Virtue of Justice

That’s not fair! It isn’t just the exclamation of a child who lost a game anymore; it’s the catchphrase of a self-absorbed society constantly looking for Justice for causes they’ve adopted as their identity. In this article, we will empower ourselves as parents and grandparents by clarifying the virtue of Justice and how we can help our children learn to be just in their relationships inside and outside the home. 

Let’s begin by defining the virtue of Justice as St. Thomas Aquinas did: [moral] Justice is a habit that makes us “capable of doing what is just, and of being just in action and in intention.” The Catechism of the Catholic Church expands on the definition of a just person as the constant and firm will to give their due to God and neighbor and establish harmony in human relationships that promote equity with others. CCC1807 

How good and pleasant it is when we dwell together in unity! ~Psalm 133:1

One of our highest goals for our home environment is harmony, another word for unity because we learn to come together in mutual respect.  Building a harmonious home goes beyond a fundamental desire to hear no quarreling or devouring of one another (Galatians 5:15); it is habituating our family in equity to each other and for the common good of the family. Where do we start? 

And Justice For All 

Love and truth will meet; Justice and peace will kiss. ~Psalm85:11

The entire narrative of the Story of Salvation is where love and truth meet, and justice and peace kiss. We can utilize appropriate Bible storybooks and Bibles as guides for teaching the attributes God desires for us by using the “Where in the World is Waldo?” theme, looking for examples of God’s Justice and man’s injustice in every story. The parables of Christ are particularly helpful since they are short and simple but packed with a moral lesson. Jesus told more than 50 parables to teach us how to live in the Kingdom of God here on earth; at least 11 parables were about Justice according to God’s way of doing things. 

The term “ethics” is from a Greek word that means “habits,” among other things. What we want to model for our children is a familial relationship where we delight in each other, are dear to one another and promote each other’s welfare by serving one another–this is the foundation of Justice. When we make just treatment of each other a habit in our homes, our children learn to be just to others. When we establish a pattern of a virtuous life in our homes, our children live that pattern with those around them. Wouldn’t that be refreshing to our culture? 

You have been told, O mortal, what is good,

You have been told, O mortal, what is good,

    and what the Lord requires of you:

Only to do Justice and to love goodness,

    and to walk humbly with your God.

~Micah 6:8

When we, as a family, approach reality from the vantage of goodness, defined as mercy, we fortify the virtue of Justice in our lives. Let’s do this! Below are some ideas for you:

Teach your children to be grateful. Learning to say “thank you” trains our children in gratitude. How does that teach the virtue of Justice? They are learning to be fair to others by recognizing what others do for them. A thankful heart recognizes that everything is a gift.

Teach your children to be respectful. Consider that they are regularly exposed to unjust behavior like bullying, interrupting people, laughing at others, or harming others. Teach them to see Jesus in others through your example–refuse to allow gossip, complaining, and backbiting in your own life, and it will rub off on your children’s lives.

Model prayer as a conversation with God where we thank him for all the good graces he favors us. We learn to tell him about our frustrations about the “unfair” things in our lives but ask him to help us treat others how we would want to be treated. Make a habit of praying on a daily examen with your children; they learn to have conversations with Jesus as they review their day, and confessing to the Lord their unjust actions toward others helps build their spiritual muscle.*

Prayer for Justice

Lord, I want to be a just person. You told us to love you above all else and love our neighbor. Help me practice the virtue of Justice by being patient with others and grateful for their lives. Please grant me the ability to treat everyone justly and love them by being generous, respectful, honest, and kind. 

~Amen.

*https://www.dsj.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/STF-Daily-Examen-for-Families.pdf

Pray It Forward: Fostering the Virtues in our Homes

When we become parents, we choose a vocation as old as time and still the most challenging in history! Snazzy books and curricula line library shelves on how to“raise good humans,” but most of those books predominately dress up Aristotle’s philosophy on cultivating good character for souls to flourish. What’s old has always been what’s new, just with more flashing lights!

Let’s return to the roots of Aristotle’s philosophy by examining the moral and human virtues described in the Catechism of the Catholic Church (CCC) and implicit throughout the Sacred Scriptures.

“Human virtues are firm attitudes, stable dispositions, habitual perfections of intellect and will that govern our actions, order our passions, and guide our conduct according to reason and faith. They make possible ease, self-mastery, and joy in leading a morally good life. The virtuous [person] is [one] who freely practices the good.”

“The moral virtues are acquired by human effort. They are the fruit and seed of morally good acts; they dispose all the powers of the human being for communion with divine love.”
(CCC 1804)

Being a good human requires stability of disposition and purposefulness in efforts, and we are responsible for teaching that as we nurture our children. We do that by stabilizing our children’s emotional and spiritual foundation through the daily practice of virtue.

We often say children look or act just like their parents. It stands to reason since parents passively and actively imprint their image on their children. Just think what can happen in our vocation when we allow our heavenly Father to imprint HIS image first on us! We then bear witness to the Lord’s desires for our children in our motivations and behaviors. We impress upon our children godly character: a flourishing human, stabilized in who they are, who knows why they are here, and who knows their purpose.

God created man in orderly fashion, so must he
also restore him in orderly fashion… An example [of virtue] is all-efficacious when
it both invites to the summit of virtue and shows the way there.
~St. Bonaventure

Over the next several posts, we will consider training our children in virtue by effectively modeling and teaching it daily in family life. By way of reminder, let’s recall the four cardinal virtues (cardinal because the human virtue hinges on the pursuit of them). Like the roots of a tree, prudence, justice, fortitude, and temperance anchor our soul in a good moral conscience. As the soul strengthens, the human virtues of chastity, moderation, charity, diligence, patience, kindness, and humility form our behavior.

Learning to make good decisions in relationships sets our children up for the inevitable truckload of bad choices they’ll be exposed to in life. We can strengthen their prudence by guiding them in self-reflection when a wrong choice has been made. What do you think you could do differently in that conflict? Let’s consider some other actions you can take next time?

First, let’s consider prudence. The Sacred Scriptures teach, “By wisdom, a house is built, and by understanding it is established” (Proverbs 24:3). Prudence is the ability to perceive the right course of action as we prove our soul in virtue. Let’s consider some bricks to build prudence in our children’s souls.

If your child has a problematic relationship with a sibling or friend, help them to consider the other’s viewpoint instead of running off the rails with their emotions. Learning to think before we speak is just a good life skill for all of us! Here are some helpful questions to ask.

Let’s think of all the stuff you like about so and so. What don’t you like about so and so? Is the relationship important enough to you to change the way you play/relate with them?

What we are teaching our children to do is to be circumspect (a virtue closely related to prudence) rather than inconsiderate of others. Future friends and spouses will rise up and bless you for modeling this to them!

Common sense is another meaning for prudence; it helps to keep life in order (prudence and proper order are kin to each other). Good activities for us to engage in with them are playing games that require decision-making and learning to be good sports, which a prudent person always strives to be. Working on projects together that require following instructions teaches them to seek knowledge to do a job well; this trains them in humility to accept authority and instruction. Future teachers and employers will rise up and bless you for teaching this to them.

One other way to teach prudence is to let our children fail when it is safe to do so; helicopter parenting short circuits learning virtue because we always run interference. Allowing our children to make a decision we know isn’t the best one opens up a real-life lesson plan for us to help our children progress in the forethought and contemplation required for wise decision-making.

Heavenly Father, endow us with your virtue as we train our children to be good humans!

Pray It Forward: How to Speak Our Child’s Love Language of Gifts and Acts of Service

This month, we delve into the two remaining love languages some children respond to best. These two love languages–gifts and acts of service–build upon the foundation of the first three love languages: physical touch, words of affirmation, and quality time. Understanding and speaking these languages to our children requires thought, planning, and energy, and sometimes we just don’t feel up to the task, but take heart. Initially, it is challenging, but we can express our love more effectively once we grasp the principle of gifts and service. Let’s start by exploring the concept of a gift.

The word gift has its roots in the Greek word charis,  which means grace or an undeserved gift. This connection to grace is significant, as it reminds us that a gift is not just a material expression but a way to extend love and grace to our children. We can do that through gift-giving and acts of service for our children.

Lest we worry we’ll turn into a Daddy Warbucks or a simpering servant at the beckon of a child, let’s remember that our parental and grandparental ultimate purpose is to nurture children to emerge as beloved children of God who live securely in their identity as well-formed individuals. To prevent our children from greed and laziness, we must remember that a payment gift for a job well done is not a love language; it’s a fair exchange for services rendered. An act of service for our children because they’re lazy is not a love language; it’s enablement. 

A gift given as unmerited grace is a genuine expression of love that will serve our children well as they mature. An act of service given as unmerited grace for our children fills their “love tank” as they become independent. So, let’s consider how we, as parents/grandparents, may create lasting memories of our love for our children and magnify their sense of worth and God’s love for them:

Gift-Giving

–Write a note with affirmation about your child and send it by post. Most kids think it’s a big deal to get their own mail, and a gift-loving child will be extra pleased to receive the note.

–Write some personal coupons (you can find a template online) good for redemption on any of the following: 

  • Go to Adoration with Mom or Dad 
  • A small treat when we go grocery shopping together (a cookie from the bakery is always a hit)
  • Play a game of your choice
  • Read your favorite book
  • Do your favorite activity

–Collect a small cache of gifts your child would appreciate–a shell, stickers, a bookmark, a pressed leaf, something that sparkles, etc. Save them for times you need to encourage your child’s sense of worth with a surprise.  I’ve kept this for you since I went on a walk because it made me think of you and how much you enjoy…

–Often, gift-loving children are collectors, so you may want to help them create a keepsake box to store their found treasures. Give them the first found treasure to put in the box: something from your childhood, something from a grandparent, or a favorite photo of the child.

Acts of Service in the Home

–Sitting at a child’s bedside, placing your hand on them to gently awaken them in the morning may not seem like an act of service, but it can be! Children of all ages reckon this as kind attention (though your teenager might grumble about it; stay the course!) We can give words of affirmation by saying a prayer of entrustment to God for their day: Loving God, I entrust [ ] to your care today, bless [ ] in all they do today. Amen. You can do the same at bedtime, thanking God for what has happened in the day and entrusting the child’s concerns to him.

–Ask your child to list favorite things you do for them, and occasionally do the act of service when they least expect it! Speak words of affirmation by saying, I’m so happy I can serve you in this way today; you are special to me.

When your child is sick, stay with them and pray with them, asking God to help them feel better. You may want to choose a video to watch together or a book to read to them. Serving them in this way communicates that they are more important than your career.

There are many more ideas that space does not allow; again, we recommend Gary Chapman’s book on The 5 Love Languages. Next month, we will consider how our homes are where we learn true friendship and how we can teach our children to be true friends to others.