[A parent set out to sow the philosophical truths and virtues of faith in God in their child’s heart]. And as he sowed, some seed fell on the path and was trampled, and the birds of the sky ate it up. Some seed fell on rocky ground, and when it grew, it withered for lack of moisture. Some seed fell among thorns, and the thorns grew with it and choked it. And some seed fell on good soil, and when it grew, it produced fruit a hundredfold.” After saying this, he called out, “Whoever has ears to hear ought to hear.
~St. Luke 8:5-8
We continue our exploration of the parable of the seed and how to apply it to the parenting of adolescents by comparing the fertility of the soil to the condition of the home environment. We discussed how necessary it is for the Lord to be acknowledged and reverenced as the foundation of our life—the “soil” of our being, the why of our existence. That is just the beginning.
Recall Jenny, the bird, who has to learn why she is expected to leave the safety of the nest before she can act on what she is created to be. She must overcome her fear by understanding that there is no other option for her to be happy unless she learns to fly—it is what she was created for. Oh, that it would be that easy for us to know what we are designed for and how to live in that identity.
Let’s discuss how we can further stabilize the environment of our home so that the seed of Catholic philosophy germinates the “what” and “how” of our adolescents’ identity by exploring some of the marks of a holy family. We will be drawing from the counsel Father Sebastian Walshe offers in his excellent book, “Always a Catholic.” (See Resource Box.)
Integrity
Our adolescents’ conclusions about identity ultimately depend on the influence we have on them. As parents, our authentic witness to the faith in family life is not just important, it’s integral. When we say one thing and do another, it can cause our children to disbelieve the existential answers of Catholic philosophy and doubt the veracity of practicing faith in God as Catholic Christians.
Let’s expand on that: If the primary influencers in Jenny’s life don’t model to her that the Catholic philosophy of life is the key to their happiness and contentment, she will search for happiness and stability in things that are incapable of providing it. This is not just a possibility, it’s a potential consequence we must urgently address. Choosing temporal answers for eternal security is fleeting, subjective and influenced by the external factors of a hedonistic society. Jenny will be inclined to prioritize self-interest, neglect her responsibility for her actions, and potentially form harmful relationships.
Some questions to consider: Have I answered for myself where I look for happiness? Has my faith in God and trust in his Church grown past the “it’s just what we do” mentality? Is every choice I make rooted in the understanding that the Lord my God cares about every little detail of my life? Do my children witness in me a profound spiritual joy in desiring and possessing the good only the Lord can give? Living in God’s love is not just a duty, it’s a source of profound joy and fulfillment. When we fix our eyes on the principles of the Shema (Deuteronomy 6), we are guided by the Holy Spirit of God to “love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might” (v.5); we order ourselves to God rather than allowing the culture to order our lives. Through the help of the Holy Spirit, this focus enables us to strive toward the goal of rearing holy children.
Communion
The root of understanding does not fail.
~Wisdom 3:15b
In his book, Father Walshe says, “Communion is when members within the family share one life. Each person knows, loves, is known by, and is loved by all others.” How are we doing at family communion? How often do we do life together? Do our adolescents know beyond a shadow of a doubt that our home is a refuge of acceptance and understanding? Adolescents are more likely to rebel against their family community if they have established a stronger sense of community outside the family structure. That is not to say we insulate our children from society. Instead, we maintain a balance between the benefits of society and the greater good of living, moving and having our being in God alone (Acts 17:28). Extracurricular activities are vital for building community, but they are a poor facsimile for determining what we believe we are to be and how we are to live.
How can we assure that our adolescents’ primary faith community remains intact as they pursue the good found in other pursuits? Father Walshe follows the principle that the human heart cannot live in a vacuum in his counsel to parents. If there is a void of camaraderie in the home, our adolescents will search for something to fill it. When we proactively build family and faith communities early in our children’s lives, we are providing them with the emotional stability they need
to live happily in the world, yet not of the world.
Here is a suggestion on how to form a strong family community, drawn from experience and observation: Regular family meals, shared prayer times, and engaging in family activities like hiking or volunteering together can all contribute to a strong family community.
Be more present to your family than to any other person, interest or career; this can be monumentally hard to balance, especially in single-parent homes. Yet, our Lord’s grace extends in abundance to our insufficiency and brokenness when we rely on him to fill the void that sin or death may have caused. A word of counsel to parish communities: The Lord has called us to be united in caring for one another! Consider forming strong bonds with single-parent families by coming alongside them as reliable helpers in nurturing their children as if they were our own family.
Religion that is pure and undefiled before God and the Father is this: to care for orphans and widows in their affliction.
~St. James 1:27
Order and Harmony
When the family is in harmony, the children are well brought up, the domestics are in good order, and neighbors, friends, and relations enjoy the fragrance. But if it be otherwise, all is turned upside down and thrown into confusion.
~St. John Chrysostom
When we act together as a whole, we teach our children to prioritize the common good of the family over individual interests. This begins with our marital relationship, marked by mutual love and respect between a husband and wife. Read that sentence again, friends! This is not readily witnessed in our culture, and many of us came from homes where it wasn’t modeled.
No matter how many years we have been married, it is never too late to deepen our unity in our relationship through sacramental living and sacrifice. Remember that the apex of our union is the Lord Jesus, and we stand together in a holy trinity of marriage from which life flows. The Holy Family is our model. They experienced poverty, great struggles, hardships and misunderstandings, yet remained integrated, thriving in their identity. Pray with them as you parent.
Be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.
~Ephesians 5:1-2
Virtue begets the Holy Spirit’s gift of wisdom, understanding, counsel, fortitude, knowledge, piety and reverence for the Lord. Like any gift, the receiver must open it to be enjoyed, and once we do, the Lord enables us to exercise it and grow strong in our relationship. Here’s the lovely thing: As virtue puts down roots in our hearts and minds, virtue grows, and we bear the fruits of God’s Spirit in our homes: love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. When our children recognize the gifts of order and harmony between us, they are more likely to embrace it as the gold standard in all their relationships. (See Resource Box.)
Consider ordering your family life around the liturgical calendar, celebrating life by the Church year. Many books are available to help you establish a framework of Christian identity. The authors do the work for you, from what to cook for dinner to what to learn from whatever the liturgical calendar has on its “agenda.” (See Resource Box.)
When the Seed of Faith Seems to Die
One last word for the many parents who have done everything right in the best way they knew how to raise children with a Catholic worldview and the vibrant practice of Catholic Christianity. Ultimately, our children are free moral agents who make their own decisions about life and how to live it. When they reach their young adult years, many children may stray from or even reject their faith heritage, causing parents to despair over their choices. They may choose to return to their faith in God, or they may not. We will discuss this next month, summarizing the birds, thorns and rocks that threaten the seed of faith as symptoms of a deep-seated contagion present in the soil of the human condition, and how we can pray against the enemy’s presence in our children’s lives.
Resources
“Always a Catholic” by Father Sebastian Walshe, O. Praem.
“Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs” and “Love and Respect in the Family: The Respect Parents Desire; The Love Children Need”
by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs
“The Catholic All Year Compendium: Liturgical Living for Real Life” by Kendra Tierney
“The Companion Book of Catholic Days:
A Guide to Feasts, Saints, Holy Days,
and Seasons” by Karen Edmisten
~I am a freelance writer. This post first appeared in a periodical.
The Maiden Warrior 